I shall merge into it, and wait for you
It is quite a challenge to wrap my mind around
Between rationing my smokes and filling the adjacent steel bin
Not that smoking helps, but it calms my nerves
In some self harming way, self hate is the best hate, no?
You would know this, you have done that to yourself too, often
Not any more though love, never again please
My self hatred stems from my helplessness
Of feeling your absence, and being tied to the park bench of life
I admit the purple flowers in the flower bed look pretty
I planted them, waiting for you, they are all flowering now
I hate that the universe makes me wait, for ever and always
I have asked for a respite, but it gave me a pit of cobblestones
Grey, smooth, good enough to maybe jump into and hurt myself
To substitute my bleeding heartache with physical, at actuals
The grass looks green though, i could count the blades, one by one
Each day could sprout a few more, some.could end up dried and dead
I will sort them, pick the dead ones and maybe pile them nearby
They could maybe keep me warm, through winter
I could also find them of use if I have to die and be burnt
I won't think of that, waiting for you is such a joy
I could wait forever, then wait for another life
Maybe the universe will bring you to early, maybe now, maybe later
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