Somedays are odd, leaving me hungry
Like all other days
When her kiss and touch is not just missed
It leaves a void, crushing and destructive
One may say it is painful to miss someone
I proclaim it is sacrilege
For this flesh longs to be touched
And this skin wants to so
Yet it has no choice but wait
While the wait, is but a futile attempt
Of self convincing
Of false belief
She so far feels left alone
Yet she like me longs
Between us, between the reason or rhyme
Neither less than stubborn
Yet succumb to what is
What should or may be
Her , as always unsure
Me the 'what may come'
Is but a predicament of this
Some days are lost some forgotten
Some spent in bickering and annoyances
Such is how it is
Yet at the end like a smoke filled room
A hookah bar

Nothing but those last embers
As it dies out
The cold waiting to engulf
And I am just as willing
To freeze my bones
See my soul cold as steel
Like my will to amidst such defeat
Willingly for lack of choices
Neither will budge
And I never had an option to
For Mine was never a placebo
Nor was if anything but clinical
Let my scattering be
I Know nor you or me are joyous
Yet I wish you were for it would have fueled mine
Yet regardless
Lets walk
Away, a perfect jigsaw that fit
Yet ripped apart
For reasons best kept to us
And a farewell from either and both
For it is fair
And just and needed

Sometimes warmer, most times calm
Somedays a raging storm
Such are the phases of my being
As colourful and mad as you
Yet in this chaotic ecstacy
You seem to have drifter away
I may not know by words nor by voice
But the heart seems so lost of you
Is this just absence
I have felt that before, that hurts
Is this your anger? it sort of hurts too, so I know
For this time neither of those feel like either
I just feel numb
A wretched broken pot
Of ordinary clay
That loves the wish of holding something again.

Endings and a frail wake

What could I express
For I , in all my drudgery and hurt
Have nothing but pain and apathy
A gift by your presence
Willful hurt and your presence just emasculates
All I have to show is a pretty song and a few words
Such is the plight of those I see
And their songs are like a Georgian chant
Echoing in the choir
Underneath frescos of love and bullshit
Faux Pas , yes so much so

How should one dream
When the dream is forever riddled with hurt
A curse , maybe; a gift! Who knows
None for me to ponder upon
For the barley and hops drench my soul
A dash of whisky, or a soulful ounce of vodka
Either helps
Numb, for you rather have me numb
Better numb than seething with rage
Of a hundred trespasses you relish
Wilful hurt, yes, wilful, couldn't be otherwise
Could it?

So is the song the loners sing
And as I join this disdain chorus, so innately inane
Yet as a fool's errand I tug
Knowing this like all else shall be dust
For these dreams I have are unspoken
They cannot be for your hurt are its precursor
Yet you often ask why I won't share
Did you introspect?
Yes did ye?

None as such shall corner me
For the ship has sailed forlorn
Launched by ye Helen,
Ye who hath launched a thousand such ships
This is not Troy, and there shalt be no horse
Wooden with sneak for I shalt just bide
My time and wait forth for the love to subside
It does, hasn't it for you?
It has has it not!

I wonder, yes I can
And you wouldn't care for you see none
For you are blinded by prejudice
Of broken bridges and shattered dreams
Like mine yours
Yet mine were not ulterior
They were yours
Let me dust this enclosure of clay
That holds my soul, for it is time to realize
I will be gone soon,
And all that remains shalt be
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Pointlessness
And all it is
Is but a yearn, in solitude
In journeys of solo, in moments of thought
Deep, pertinent, persistent
Yet just irrelevant at its actual frame
Where has the fabled magic gone
Where is the current celestial connection
As a dried out farmland, or a broken caboose
Yet pretty and picture perfect
Neither matters
For it could have
Why men rape, why wives annoy
Why me, why and what for
Yet these are not of the pondering
Yet are a facade of the want of lone
For a solo retains its beat
In an accompaniment it just recedes
Losing more than self
Wanting more than no less of the self
Yet in a transient permanence
Some random ramblings are a muse
Some are nothing or worse
Yet audible, detestable or otherwise
Who cares
A solo is as is
The sheer forces of influence
Are always a faux pas
Yet the role play
Is nothing less than of class
Be in, or go
Is all they seek
Yet a solo is just so sweet
No matches, no coping
No riveting no revolt
In its sole
Whole
Even more
A soloist can hear the music of his
Pure bliss
Yet unacceptable to most
As if there was a request to be accepted
I am, the longest of sentences
I will be the shortest
No dogmas, no doctrine
Only latent heat
And permanence of cold
A solo is just solid gold
Ask a question, or a million
Yet the answers are never
For I
For I
For I
Lie down, hear the gurgle of the stream flow
In an uninterrupted conversation
Like Sol, juno, Europa, ceres
Surrounded, surrounding
But for I , just for I

Riverside

A broken kite shall not fly
Unless the strongest of the winds blow
Yet, it flies frigid, morbid, a stark memory
Of it's former glory
Thrust into a lateral plane
Wayward, irrelevant, and a sight for an eye to go sore
It is still a kite, only formerly and to those who knew it
Such is the apathy of ones in love
For love is like a sudden gust of wind
Only to fade and eject the soul
Into boundless drudgery
Of cataclysmic proportions
Yet on the outside, the soul seems to not seem so
I know the rivers of such
For my raft has sunk in the same
Too often than not
And now I walk by the banks
Of said river, sans the drench
For I have no inclination
For love is what I have known to be
A mere figment of a delusional mind

Gentle , the night is bitter
The words are worse than hemlock
Yet you share
Even when you needn't
Subtle
The absence, yet so much worse than a nail
Inching into my fingers
Quite is such
Such is your absence
Spelt in debauchery
Worse than chaos, for it spawns order
Your not being around is far more
Yet I pass by
The very image of what I know
In sheer acceptance
Ridiculed by the soul
Of you being long gone
Or going away
Even post my prophylaxis
Your attributes dawn on
As if to torment
Gnaw at my heels
In your sense of privity
Or my sense of depravity
Neither mattered
For neither would have
Neither should I fathom
For you or your essence is erased by you
With turpentine
Dissolved
The colours bleached in an oxymoronic elegance

Rifted

Between you and me
Either strong, maybe stronger
Yet you evade
As you always have
And here I am seeking nothing but your words
And you have enough reasons
Some valid some not
Some quantifiable some inane
But it won't matter, for they don't to you
So shouldn't to me
Right?
Yes, for you won't know
For you know only you

When you are the metaphor for a season
I choose to be my own winter
For it is not as cold as it can get
In your whim and or fancy
Some day you dawn, most days you have been dusk
Yet I have remained as noon
Stark, rigid and burning
your comfort, I seek
Not mine, your's for you matter
Yet I know better and I let go often
For you seem to seek me in loneliness
The other times am nothing less than a pariah
Yet to me you will remain
Always warmly wanted and welcomed

Harpies singing songs of gay
Sweet banshees sing like jazz by the bay
And the sun freezes the ponds and lakes
As the moon lit nights scorch the earth
The fish sits tired post the long walk
And the star is just a mildew speck
The gentle touch of nettle like silk
Abrasive roses are droopy at sleep
The ears see a gentle mist
The eyes hear nothing ahead
The water flowing uphill gently
As the stone falls into the blue skies
These are but how I see things
For these are not how anyone can
So in my unsettled mind
I hear nothing of wonder now.

A gentle splash of rain
More of acrid, less of sane
Between the entangled remenants
Swishy winds and morbid pain
Empty glasses, no sunset nor ice
Nor is the clatter of bratty voices
No echoes, no shadows
No light, no darkness
Yet so much, in such little space
Time in its apace
Age just a milestone on a bleeding heel

Sleep

Where is the solace
When the strings of absolution tugs
Between the obvious and being oblivious
Was a place of peace and calm
Subtracted from realism
Into a surrealistic escape
Only to be constantly awakened by dreams of harrow
Of uncalled thoughts
Long lost etches
Are suddenly prevalent
They may have been but was easily overlooked
Yet now brought to clear
Painted by darkness of sustained fear
Where were you
Where you are now, maybe I was
Maybe I would not be
Sometimes the mind wanders on the wondering
While the time escapes like a shadow in light.
Dawn, hell maybe it is dusk
Either matters not
For nor does daylight nor star lit skies
Maybe it will all be a dreaded dream
And I will wake up in cold sweat.

Degrading

In a valiant bubble
She is sold an idea of matrimony
Imposed a prison of pseudo choices
Brainwashed into motherhood
All she needs is a man
For her life is but a waste
All she should do is look good
And get a man to fall for her
She had dreams that were drained away
She sold her will to be a second fiddle
As an auxillary
As a tag along
For she has not real dreams
Nor a life worth living
All she is is a waste
She is but a girl
Who shall grow up to be a wife
A woman only in sexuality
Mostly frigid or untended to
She is a forced mother
For the ideas of such are deemed defining
She is a puppet, or so she has to be
Yet she raises her daughters the same
For she will never be free
Not because she cannot
But cos she is lazy
She is just a woman
A toy of her own choices
To be picked up by a man

Loner

Often we seek company
Yet at most we are better off alone
For the mind does not like to be tuned
To be set like to a radio station
There could be music on, or news
Yet neither is enough to sustain the mind
Such is our mind
We all seek an escape too often
Yet are bound to unwanted mandates
Policies and processes
Like a ball and chain
Such is what continued company spawns
And so the mind seeks to escape
Those who give in to such wilt and wither
Those who don't wouldn't
Once in a while a group may help
Bring forth our so called social need
Yet in prolonged company one must start to adhere
The mind is not one that really likes the checks and balances
It wants to soar the skies
Walk on the sea, brush the rim of the highest wave
Arise out of the entrapment , is its search
From some fool who mandated company

That snowy Evening

Was that ye Sir Robert
Who had stopped by my woods that snowy evening
I thought you sought solace sir
A lone rider stopping by the unknown woods
I for one was in such thoughts
As your gentle steed came to a halt
I should have been a better host
With some hot tea for ye, some oats for the horse
I was lost in sorrow kind sir
In a morbid conflagration of loneliness
And as you rode away in the snow
I saw the last opportunity to relate fade
The woods are indeed dark and deep
Yet our promises are too hard to keep
Unlike the easy wind and downy snow flakes
The miles I have crossed
Have cost me sleep

Not to sound too desperate
Yet somehow I would like to see you right now
For in a million blinks, I have never stared blank
Maybe your absence is an obvious
Yet I can't make sense of it at all
I have known and understood
Stories of war and loss, of pain and misery
Yet nothing stuck, nor struck
But here I am, clueless and belligerent
In a shameful disconnect
Wanting to have ended, walking down the empty roads
As you sped off into the distance
Your presence was brief, yet it was profound
Depravity or disdain are incomplete to express
"Neither of which matters"
Neither of which matters to me either
In my swirl of errors, forgetfulness, longing and love
Wishing to be held at least a week in love sans pain
How can I be, I have an acumen
To fail, over and over again

Am right at home
beneath the black sky
It is beautiful
Like my soul
Yet , it has nothing
Nothing to show
No price, no value
And all it is, is
Yet it trudges along
Drags me through Styx
Only to wave to the ferryman
No coins to ride
Who would have cared, someone had once
Now those sands have blown away
In a passing
So when it ceases to matter
It will
And all I have is me
Curtailed by broken dreams
Of love and longing
This day is one
And it shall not pass

There is so much to be
Yet in your absence, there is nothing but sorrow
For one such as me
Steadfast and headstrong
Unable to weep at
Some days are better
I can feel the hurt of longing
Other days I feel numb
For the torment is unending
If I could ever gather my own self
I shall hurl it your way
To break like a ming vase
Hurled into a million directions.

The know of your sadness
Stirs up an expanse of torment
While being the cause and effect
Being in utter disarray to remedy
Who shall deliver us either
Neither can your love turn to hatred
Vengeful, powerful and as such easy to overcome
Unlike love, that we both suffer from
As all it can bring , it has brought forth
Pain and wanton suffering
Incurably sharp tones
Of shades the mind cannot even dare to glimpse
Let alone be tainted or painted with
But here we both are
You waiting for my return
I standing where I mustn't be
But as the earth and the sun
Both locked to each other
Or as the mortal musician singing her songs
While the Idol just watches her in helplessness

Darling Airtel

You sell nothing but garbage
In the name of your network
Most of us know, you are just a fake
Now that we are stuck
And your network never sticks
We lose our people often
And our navigation loses its way
All you sell us is lies
All you are is a liar
You gave us GBs of data
That we cannot download at all
When in an argument you drop our lines
And we lose a relationship
When in an emergency
Your network leaves cold and dry
You are nothing but a fake
You are nothing less than garbage
I await my 6 months to pass
To port my number somewhere.

Between the walls of my prison
And the boundaries of my freedom
I ache for you; the third way of uncertainly
The one to the left seeks to take away
What the one on the right wants to keep
Yet the take away wants to play no part
Only be there, not taken
For there is where he has been
Had it been for a whiff of life and love
I would shift left or right
Yet I am drawn to you
Who has no tug at me
Like a floating leaf on an endless ocean
Drawn to you by the undercurrents
One has love the other has too
Yet neither can contain
For the fear I feel that both may turn
Become just the same
So I call out yonder, without a sound or gesture
Knowing you feel as I have always
Yet in both of our tight lipped silent greetings
We have known
How deep the need of to be vehemently wanted is.
Should this tug of war subside
Ending in both or none
I have no desire, to pick up the spoils of this war
For this war has bled me
As the rest of life has, you are no stranger to this
Release me.

I await

As you sat beside me, time had paused
What was a few moments of silence between you and me
Was a million years for this creation
Yet, I selfishly did stop time
For in your love an entirety for divinity could pass
And me the very
Would forget my reasons
As I walked away, I wanted to hear you call my name
Though I made you promise to not call me then
I wish you had broken it, I could have heard you once again
As I walked through the dusty roads
The clouds cried at your sadness
Yet even they paled and stopped for being unable to compare
As my tears turned the road into clay
I have ever since died
Yet in all my presence and pretence, you can see otherwise
I have breathed knowing you long for me
As your life blood has kept me on earth
Knowing I could be with you, but needing to not be
I wait, for you to cover the distance
Pass this birth of man, merge into me
Only then shall I be call complete.

Where forth have you gone

When you sat beside me, and I rested my head on your chest
You offered me no consolation, but a gift of distance
A distance so wide that even my soul would tire treading
Yet I know this light of my soul is but a breath of you
As you walked away from me, you did not turn around
Knowing it could hurt me more
Yet I so wish you had for that would have been another glimpse
Of a face these eyes have seen and wish to see nothing but
I have dissolved the dust in each footprint
Smeared it to my body, drank it
To be one with you, in my uncontrollable sadness
Yet you have not sent a word, nor appeared
I am bound to this air you have exhaled
Whilst you had held me close in an armours embrace
My eyes have burnt its vision staring down the road you walked
And for your longing is an endless torment
Yet you have never sent a word, and knowingly so
Where shall I end and how can I end
For I have died every breath, and the hope of a chance meeting
Keeps me breathing
Knowing this is a folly, but to be wilfully fooled
This absence of you, has even made pain cry for its deliverance from hurting me.

A few million steps
That is all it is now, fore was a few though
Yet from what it was to is
An eon has passed
By, yes
Two of me
Reluctant and for
Lost to such a long conflict
And the war is over
Unsubscribed,
Yet with bloodied hands
The reluctant died
The for, wanders
Wide eyed
Blind and with blinders
Yet in a seek

Date night

The gentle moon light
Shimmering, glowing as a soul escaping
The metal black bird
As she breathes her last
We stand surrounded
Each hand, playing a wailing banshee
Which may merge me with lead
I wouldn't know
There is one I know the allure
Fearful, but inescapable
As the dust spawned by her gentle steel blades settles
it is red beneath my feet
I have seen many moon reflect
Yet in this puddle
Of my own ruby pool
It seems to look as flawless
Spotless, serene, kind, gentle
I fall to my knees, resting my back to her
The gentle bird behind is ready now
So am I
She and I ready to be embers
In this final night out
Of a warm winter night
I close my eyes

If the mirror doesn't moisten
I shall be glad
For that would mean I am away forever
Beyond the torment
Beyond the reach
Of mortal feelings and morbid craving
When the fingers don't curl
Where the eyes don't blink
In Dante's imagination
Home, as I would call it
For I have lived in one
In your absence
Or maybe in your existing absence
Who would know
I would, but who would I be
For neither in life nor in its absence
Shall I be
In your company
Fitting, ah Poetic Justice
To sleep in the boughs of oblivion

Flowering dreams

In my myriad thoughts
Often of just knowing
If you remember my name
I would wish for more
Yet, it is far fetched
For my destiny is to be
In my own company
But as a human
I still seem to long
For not much as most do
But as little as a sunflower does
Face the sun as it rises
Wither away at some point
Following
Though to the sun, it is but routine
Yet I seek an acknowledgement
Knowing it shall be nothing
Nothing more than a psychedelic dream
But the sunlight has 7
I have only 4
With that thought I rest
Shackled to my own
In absence, forlorn
Scattered to winds.

I dream of a day
Of your surrender
When you shall see none
Only me, surrounding your eyes
As you stare into me
I shall just close mine
Feel your eyes glance my eye lids
Gracing them with your sight
Your gaze fades my darkest storms
Your touch heals my deepest hurt
I wish I could be the same for you
Beyond all I know
Beyond all I see
I see nothing but you
And I see me waiting for you to reach out
If you ever would, I would explode
Like a star at it end of its final wait
Into colours and light
Beyond wonder beyond known
Like your kiss makes me feel
Moulded into perfection
Moulded to you

I am used to being in the rain
I seek no shelter , for i have none
I have no umbrella or a plank
There is no tree, where I stand
It is barren,
Yet the rain brings me no comfort
For i am always the one left out in it
And the rain like a million needles
Pierce my soul
Where I stand even the puddles don't form
The ground refuses to enrich what is beneath my feet
All I have is given
Yet nothing, not even a leaf to shelter me
And if not now, tomorrow then
Just like them all, when you may fade
I would still be there in the rain
Still,
Waiting for nothing
For nothing is all I have

A quick try at Janaki Vs Anjaneya.
Feel free to poke at it, constructive or destructive feedback welcome.

--------------

Anjaneya
You speak of wisdom yet you are a mere monkey
Yet you are so called the epitome of love
Beyond what even I would be called
You chew at the pearls gifted
You run amok in the gardens
You have swallowed the sun
Yet you seek to outmatch me?

Maata I wouldn't even think
Nor would even try
For you are his own extension
Yet all I am is a monkey by instinct
You, a human, sentient, beautiful

He would cross the sea for you
He has not crossed the door for me
He has spoken , while the world heard
Yet he never put me above any
Neither I deserve, nor do I demand
For you are all he would desire
I am just a mere monkey

Anjaneya, you speak so
Yet I feel so insignificant
You who soared the skies, burned a kingdom
Only to ask if I was well
Why is it so that he loves you more?
And why is it that you answer to his name?
Why is it my name stands for me?
Yet you are addressed as his before me?

Maate, I serve him, I serve you
I do not see beyond his very presence
As I rip open my chest witness
You stand next to him, sans I
For I am but a mere monkey
Who cannot even dare to match
And I shall blindly follow
Where you order me to fly

At this the sky trembled
A great voice was heard
Anjenaya, you are my breath, she is my consort
Today I speak beyond my silence
Let it be known to those who ask
Anjaneya and Janaki are beyond compare
For Anjaneya was the eyes I saw through
When Janaki who is my vision was stolen.

Insurmountable

You seem calm
Yet the very storm in your soul rages
Out to rip apart the very fabric of emotion
Rewrite it in your own image
Should you chance upon love
They wouldn't know
They see just flowers, sunsets holding hands, and faux words
Unlike them I see your extent
The method in your madness
The chaos you can unleash, on such text book lovers
Why do you feel left out
It is not by choice you are
Nor are you left behind
The failings are utterly theirs
Just foolish incompetence
Like a wayward drunk, staggering to his bed
Only to fall asleep, drunk, not intoxicated
Your lunacy of love is like the infinity
Unfathomable, unsurmountable
And they are mere mortals
Breathe, see them beg for love and talk of such
Yet see them choke
At the very touch of your love.

When one as such as you
Shall peep through the shattered windows
Of my heart, a ransacked ruin
The light that you block, casts gentle shadows
It is the shade
Of your form
That when cast, brings forth a gentleness
For otherwise, even moon light scorches
Gently as you touch the walls
Now of stone, they weren't so once, they become sheets of satin
As you tred past them deeper into my soul
The floors of the ruin feel paved, of smoothed cobblestones
When you looked at this dilapidated heart
It was blue, cold and deadened by hemlock
And as you touched it, you redden it, making it rage, race, fly
My heart once flew towards love,
Burning my wings
And this time sensing my flightless will
You love, has come to me
I couldn't ever be the Phoenix
for love at best had only invoked great fear and hurt
Yet you love, never gave up
You reach back to me
As my Mason and my carpenter
To build back , to breathe into my soul

Calm

She looks into my eyes
Towering, crouched like a tree
She like the fragrant clay, covering me
As I lie, a long fallen tree
In her deepest reaches
She has engulfed all that is me
Mind, body, soul and bearing
I see myself throughout her expanse
And as she holds my shoulders
I hear her voice, an echo like a nova
Silent, in space yet musically aloud in vision
As her warmth comforts me
I feel me melt into stardust