What good is a calm mind
When the shackles separate us
And you stare into my eyes in a common longing
Yet I stand powerless
That night, was a rendition
In imagery,
that even words cannot express
And it still haunts my heart

Your demons exist
As a shrill reminder
That your escape from reality
Is just a pretence
Of man and God
Neither shall be forgiven
If one has wronged, bid your time
For time sees no bias
It shall arrive on swift hooves
Slashing and screaming
His white horse bathed in blood
Then if you seek mercy
You shall have none
For the end of all would have arrived
And that day, even the floating bed on Ananta
Shall seem to not pacify him
He rests, never asleep, you restlessly grow weary
Only a matter of time
As it turns, his war cry conch
Shall deafen the strongest of hearts.

A bed of arrows

You hold the will to death
Yet you never learnt the truth of the will
In such cosmic chaos of mine
You chose to bear the burden
Putting your word first
Following and seeing it blindly through
How many has thee slain sans mercy
Yet as the dust and blood became clay
You stomped forth on it alongside evil
Only for your desire to seem righteous
Yet you see me as the 'All'
Bow to me at my glance

Seeking to be forgiven, you beg
A warrior without equal, yet a beggar at my feet
You who I could decimate in a thought
Stand before my prodigy
He who is an instrument of mine
You choose to not end by it
Here I shall say to you , son of the raging river
The one beyond possible conquest of mere men
You shall obey, for you suffering of bearing ends today
And this battlefield is thirsty for your blood
Go in peace, let the blood of you flow
Like your mother washes away the sins of others
Let yours wash away yours
Sleep Bheeshma, your time has arrived.

Are you not afraid of me child?
Does not all this blood scare you?
That this is your father on my lap dying in pain
And that I am the one who is as you see devouring him!
Asked the divinity, 
A face of a lion under the roof of snake heads

Afraid? How can I be when I have not known its meaning?
Not known fear in any form since I have seen you
Always, till now when I looked into my heart
Now I am seeing you with open eyes
What is pain now, what is death, what is life?
I am in surrender
Says the child, transfixed at the face of the presence

What is the ‘I’ in me now lord?
The self is no longer what was
‘I’ and ‘me’ are no longer words with meaning 
I feel like a drop of water in the ocean of you
But the ocean scares me, it seems so unstill, ravaging, storming.
How shall I let go and merge into it?
How will I find the ‘me’ when I mix in you?
I asked.

Fear not child, when you fall into me, you are me
And once me you shall not need to find the ‘you’
And then you shall know that you have finished your search
And that your fears are what led you to me
The ocean is calm and gentle; close your eyes that you see with
Open the eyes of feeling; open the eyes in the soul
And you shall see, but only if you surrender to me
I hear the wind speak

I close my eyes; I see the ocean now calm
I hear its waves gentle to the touch, like a feet stepping on lotus
I ask if I can open my eyes now, I hear a ‘yes’
I find myself in the lotus he holds in one hand
Sleeping like an infant, and him watching me, like a mother.

Wait

When you fell into his arms
Did you forget mine
And as you kissed his lips
Did you remember mine
Was our kiss just a faux pas
For to me it felt unlike
The arms that held you were to comfort
To hold you to my soul
Not this flesh
Your lips on mine were heaven on earth
And yet you made me feel otherwise
Amongst all that I felt and embraced
Neither held my soul and satiated it
Yet now it feels swindled
A broken harp
That sings no tune
When you forgot me, did you wish
To forget what I had
When you touched his face, did it warm your heart
For your arrival warms mine
your touch ignites my soul
And your embrace lets me breathe
Your choices bleeds me
In all this blood lust
I await for nothing more
But to let you know
That you are you
Yet , I will wait
For the day when you feel my soul search
To find your true one
To merge into mine
An eternity, should it need

Of love and storm
Just the same as they seem
Yet as the storm passes
Love remains
Broken houses, uprooted trees
Are always replaced and the pain would pass
Unlike love, it never passes
It circles you
With you at its eye
And the world in a spin
As furious as Mars himself would lust
For such chaos is seldom felt

Of love

A child's heart
A lover has, only shattered
Worse than a toy being stripped away
For a child can find solace
A lover doesn't
A child can be pacified
A lover cannot
Not by God, not by things
For the storms of a lover's mind
Is the flux of all that is God and men
Love and loss, faith and debacle
Such a plight awaits those in love
Torn between need and want
Desire and content
Neither ever remains
For the labor of love
Is often lost
Neither kin, nor King, nor kingdom can save
What is deemed lost
Yet men love
For love brings us the chaos
In absolution
Unending
Scarred, yet beautiful

If you wander over
To my home amongst the woods
Touch the daisies as you pass
They want to know who you are
And the old tree trunk
That hangs my hammock
Helping me stare at the stars
Would be happy to be greeted by you
The candle stand would love to know you
And so would the floor, where i often slept bareback
Before I slept finally
Walk bare feet once , and let it feel your presence
And if you arrive before the night
Wave to the sunset
And if you could spare time
Lay down on my hammock
Wait for those little gentle stars
They always wondered who you are
For I may not be around to introduce them to you
But your arrival will need none
I am sure

Emptiness casts the darkest shadows

Beyond the cure of any light

And such can only be known

If you have reached its epitome

When one reaches there

One cannot be brought back

Time won't fill the void

Nor will a substitute

All that remains is the vacuum

It tugs 

Eating up the will to breathe

Aberration

Rid of all sanity
In a volatile cocktail of leaching pain
Like rains washing away the soil
From the roots of the mightiest tree
Only for it to topple over into a river of despair
Driftwood
And no badge, nor destination
Unclaimed and forgotten
Sometimes the bank scrapes it
Sometimes the rocks in the shallows
Yet none to claim it
Such is what one feels at loss
Your insides fall into a void
And all that you feel is numbness 
Swirling into a carcass
Forever dying yet never dead

Yard Sale

Everything must go
For it is out of touch
Nothing here seems to be mine
And the bits that seem , are not
The swollen pride
The rash mind
The device that was me
The sight that held me
The warm glow of love
The cold bite of lone
The wish to be alive
The desire to die
The gentle kiss of your eyelashes on my cheek
The frenzy of your lips on mine
The time of meet
The parting
The past , as we knew it
The present as it presents itself
The future rain drops
The waft of mountain fog
The acrid smell of pain
The little joy that remains
All of it must go
Only , to win you over once more
For it seems like an eon has passed
Though just two days
Here I am, wanting to wilfully breathe again

Poetic justice

Penchant
Of you
In a curdled wail of the soul
Like a symphony of a thousand trumpets
Severing my tendons
With a rusty blade
With gentle hands
As it tugs me closer to a kiss
A kiss of ruse
To hide your concealed knife
And as you lovingly push it deeper
Your words
Sweet as hemlock
Yet I stare
Knowing imminent end
But as an infant
Reach to your fingers
As you hold me close
Hearing my bleed
I touch the blade
It is as beautiful as you
Now warmed by my life essence
Momentarily
Moments pass
And I do too
In a paradoxical paranoia
Of wanting death as you hold me
Yet slain by the very
Poetic justice

Random musings

Broken ,
Won't you set my heart adrift
Aloft, on the dark pools of despair
Won't you send gargoyles to slash and kill
Splatter and gash the red flaming heart
As they skim it of the pool and perch
Won't the pain grow stronger still
And won't you want me to shiver with chill
Spine to marrow, Femur to tarsal, Eye to toenails
Won't you puncture me with tiny pins
And watch my soul ebb from those ruby pools
And as the choke grows
You will cease
For the day has passed
Tomorrow , another bout awaits
You and me
Us, two tugging the same rope
In love and in darkness

Wake,
Manifest as the all there is
Yet be humbled
feel the wind on your face
Let it sing it's heart out
And awe at the sun lit mornings
Dream into the gentle night sky
Those stars are yours
They never could be mine
For I made them for you
When you weary frame
Settles under a shade
Touch that tree
speak to it of your love for it
Hear the dry leaves rustle
Glance upon the stream meander
Reach the mountain tops
Stretch your arms
Touch my face
Breathe in me
And stay mine

You

Check your six
When you walk your path
For on your heels, I shall haunt
And as you stop to gleam
Per chance upon a gentle moment
I shall only place upon you my gift of hurt
Yet only for to know
If you are indeed worth your salt
And then I will punish you worse
Till you keep up the fight
I am not your enemy
I am you, your own
I am the sentience in you
The one that lets you never be happy
For you are my clay
And I am your klin
You will be transformed by me
Yet you will always want to fall and break

Lore

Why should one hold back
Feelings of any kind , that courses through the veins
It is to be sane
And be human, for a lesser one is impulsive
If love is unleashed, without control
It shall only burn
Both parties, into a dust and dysfunction
Only to choke
If pain is unleashed
It shall only claw at the soul
And drive one to death
In its unbreakable grip
If jealousy surfaces
It can only be a fall from grace
In the eyes of the self and the other self
Ending in a pool of hurt
So beyond all possible
I choose to refrain
For I know my letting go
Brings only loneliness