Dreaming of nosepin shopping at Nashik

Well july has arrived, why not go out in the rains

I am sure there is much to do, and much to see

Post work, just around the rainy evening

We could see the winery, visit the road shops

Hold hands and walk, search for trinkets and nosepins 

By the Godavari, there could be tiny shops

They peddle items of cultural significance 

I have been there a few times, when the river was beautiful 

I have been there recently and it reeks

We could ignore the sights, walk by the shops 

I will look at you and smile while you bargain

Then lean closer to your ear and pretend to whisper

To kiss your lobe, and smell your hair

Tell me we probably can get better ones in Bhuleshwar

And tell me it's time to search for more nosepins again

You know you make those nosepins beautiful, don't you? 

You are what your jewellery wears to look good

Let's then order food, talk about your day at work 

Cuddle up post, kiss under the blanket

Drift into sleep, knowing we are holding us close 

Beneath the leaden clouds

One needs an umbrella not a parasol

Yet I often walk into without either

Maybe it will not rain this time

Hoping the sun may shine through

Ah! my Modus operandi

To love and fail over and again

This time maybe the chain would break

Maybe it will bring me home,

This time maybe it will set me free

Kaajuphal ke bagh mein

Kaju phal khaye ho kabhi?

Zuban par ek tark si machti hai

Jaise har nivaale mein ek chid

 Har tukde mein ek kurdarapan

Par uski mehak mann ko pighlaa dene waali si hai

Pehli martaba jab ye zubaan par chadhe

Ek alag ehsaas sa lagta hai, 

Aisa jaise galti si ho par iska ras to pehchaana hua sa hai

Na nigal paate ho na ugal paate ho

Par khudse to ye baandh lete ho

Nahi khayenge ye agli baar

Agle mausam jab kaju phal dekhte ho

Wahi manmohak mehak kheech le aati hai tumhe baagh mein

Phir tum ise todkar khaate ho

Phir pachtaate ho, par isbaar utna nahi

Mann ne to thaani hoti aaj shaayad ise poora chakk jaoonga

Phir wahi rusht, oobad khaabad se swaad mein man ulajhta hai

Phirse na khaa paate ho na ugalte ho

Par isbaar takraar kamm hoti hai

Par mann to kehta hai ye aakri baar hoga

Teesre saal baar jab baagh mein tehelte ho

Kaaju phal tume phir pukaarta hai

Tum khiche chale aate ho, 

Uske ras aur khushboo ko apnaakar

Apne dil se samaa lete ho

Kisi ke pochne par tumhara priy' phal aam kehte ho

Par tumhe to kaju phal ne moh liya hota hai

Yahi hai prem, kaaju phal jaisa

Kheech laati hai ye tume apne paas

Tum lad jao, dar jao, dur chale jao par

Tum aaoge wahi baagh mein, khaoge ye phal

Ye prem ko pata hai, ye tumhe bhi pata hai

Upon the skies

I had accepted my failures a long time ago

 At life, love, and everything in between

Like an oxford comma, that specifies separation

Each of these emotions have always been distinctly separate

I could wish for a culmination of it to exist in one, it did too

To float in the endless love, and to drown in it

I had sought to feel my journey of woe end for once

But my failure has always succeded in winning over my wishes

Beneath the insolence of my heart denying feelings

I succumbed to the icy grips of my nemesis called love

Only to be reminded of my unworthiness, all over again

To breathe in the hatred fed by an unforgiving universe

If there is ever and end to it all, I know I shall be the last

I know I am the hated child of the universe's God

He shall laugh making me hope to crush my heart

Keep me tormented alive, while he takes away my all

ek Guruvaar aisa bhi

Tumko dekhne raat ko kos kar leta raha

Tum ro rahe the, mai bhi to ro raha tha

Sirf tumhare chehre par aansoon the

Mere to aansoon nikalte hi nahi kabhi

Subah jab tum milkar mukar gaye, 

  mukar ji,

   sirf chupkar nahi

Tab socha, 

  shaayad mere pyaar me kuch kamm tha

Yahi sochkar bhindi kaat raha tha

Aaj mere paas waqt kuch kamm tha

Meri kadhaai ki garmi mein bhindi ke saath mera dil bhi sookh raha tha

Dahi jab padi, mere Pake bhindi par, 

Socha mere waqt mein aur Kitna gham tha

Chakk kar dil ko pehle Teri hi yaad aayi

Dahi bhindi hum shukravaar dupeher banaane ruke the

Aaj hi darr mein banaa kar paros mai aaya

Khaane ke liye koi aur tha, 

  Aur unhone kaha namak zara Kam hai

Mai haskar Keh gaya,

  wo to subah hi mukar gayi 

  kyonki shaayad ishq ka namak hi ghum tha

A crowning

"Sometimes you need to have a hand that holds yours, especially at a dentist" I said

"Yes

Dentist appointments are a scare, for most" she exhales as she sits on the chair

It reclines slowly, she is watching me, her eyes zooming of sorts, like a portrait lens slapped on an analog camera

"what film are you running behind those eyes love?" I jest

She is curious, she asks "why, are there different films?"

She knows I will take her on a beautiful film history journey, and explain about low light, fast paced, other photo films

She listens, so does the dentist

At this the dentist and I are speaking, he has questions for sure

He is intrigued, as he rinses her tooth with a tiny jet

"I remember dad had a dental camera, I am a third generation dentist"  he says

As he takes a the drill to her partially crumbling molar, it whirrs, she flinches a tad gently

She is listening to the dentist and I speak, we are talking about how the dentine looks

I run my hand on her forearm, reassuring, mid conversation 

She has been calm, now she is a bit curious

In a curiosity bound anxiety of sorts 

I break conversation for a moment, as he is killing the root of her molar

It's hard work, I go back to film

She is looking at me, capturing me possibly at a thousand frames per second

She will tell me about how my bristles sort of look odd since I forgot to trim my moustache 

Yes, pretty much like a camera focussed entirely on me

The filler is being added, I am still running my finger tips on her forearm

The dentist asks her to spit out again, she tries to smile, right cheek partially numb

"You look so cute, the struggle is real pompom" I mention

It's done, the dentist and I have become quite good friends

She gets up, tries to hug me, accidently from her right side, I slide her quickly to catch her hug from the left 

"you monkey, don't forget you just had a root canal" I remind her with concern

She realises, she hugs me again

"Can you do the next visit by yourself love, should I get stuck? I ask lightly

The dentist nods a yes, then realises I am asking her

He laughs as we thank him

She is at ease, the dentist is a known person now she realises

She hugs me again

I tell her, no burgers for you today though

She smiles as I kiss her left cheek. 

A random event

She looked at me, opening her mouth

Sucked in a slice of peach from my hand

A thin slice, I made those thin slices

Wanting to make them a bite sized meal

Between office phone calls, she has been sending me 'I love yous'

She exclaimed," I've had peaches after ages" 

 half aware earlier it was a peach

At this stage she could be given a jalapeño, a sour pickled one

She would munch on it, half caught up in work, all caught up in love

She is about one and a half person today

She was half earlier

She bumped into me, like a few years ago

Obviously broken, almost to a point where neither of us were thinking of a mend

Wasn't a possibility, love torments us all

Not by its feeling, but by those who feel

People are terrible, they just extort utility from  souls 

I slice peaches, bake, cook, and make tea

A splash of cinnamon, a dash of lime, some clarified butter

She has shown her love for these, like she has for my embrace

Together at this, she and I walk into the breach 

Ready to brace what comes

"I am in love this time" we both exclaim. 

Random Musings

I usually make excellent omelettes

  out of four eggs

 I made one today,

   but burnt it,

I left the fridge door open.

Left the stove burning

My shortcake turned out marginally better

I forgot to pray

I am half awake, 

  a fourth absent,

   a fourth in transit

But not wishing to sleep, 

Because I had washed my face

With hand sanitizer,

To degrease my oily face

I forgot my shoes

My uber tuktuk died, 

It took time to fix

Yes, eventful

But I miss you

Pretty much, that

Only Clean Currency notes accepted

At some stage my heart was like a vending machine

Delivering emotions like requests, like a bag of wafers or drinks

Instant at most, sometimes staggered, awaiting a nudge

Collecting my own unhappiness fed unto me

To the top shelf was love, the most sought after

Constantly restocked for the ones that bought

For tender that was coins of lies, pretense, and fallacy

Yet it vended in disciplined fortitude and with  accuracy

To the second was care, most desired yet less recognised

Set in a channel of unending for those that need

For tender that was blatant inconsideration and apathy

Yet it vended calm and composed in all it's empathy

To the lower shelves was friendship, often ignored

Not restocked often and set in limited quantities

For tender that was just of tender words and validation

Yet it remained unsold, expiring in days of stagnation 

Then one fateful day, I was unplugged, set free

I was awakened by a tender heart and made to see

For tender that was surrender and just to be

I woke to be human, as she held on to sing to me

Etching our songs

Let me feel the pinch of the incisors, on my lips

As your nails claw me, dig deep into my back

Like wanting to devour my skin and blood

When we meet, hidden away from the prying eyes

Let me breathe your moans, laced in your scent

As you hold my face, letting our tongues meet

Like they belong behind the others lips

When we kiss, tasting the other's mouths, gently shy

Let my chest brace you beautiful bountiful mounds

As you coil your hands, let your lust enslave

Like a million years of hunger needs to be fed

When we confess our love, in our unhinged ways

Write our songs on my skin of fiery passion 

As we breathe in the sounds of lustful moans

Like grooves on vinyl, for my mind to play

When our love making ends, and we part ways

Momentarily part, hear the songs we write on us

As lovers discovering moments of unbirdled passion

Like a wave then let us rise, crash into each other

Breach our holds, make  love over and over again

flower beds

Fairies with glitter visit my beautiful rose beds

The pick on the blooms, crush  new petals

Each time I run to the garden, they scamper and hide

I better get me a scarecrow, I am too old for  fright

Stupid fairies, miscreants yet lovely little ones

They have always been good friends, until upto this point

Ever since my garden bore flowers as pretty as them

They have grown jealous, thinking I ignore them

I had picked those roses, heaven knows this truth

I have made sweet preserves, for fairies need a few

I always leave a few drops on a bowl by the window sill they frequent

For them to drink, mixed into the winter  morning dew

Today at first light when they as usual arrived

They stayed hidden as I sat singing for them amongs the roses 

As they emerged cautiously, they joined their voices

To trust me again, this time amongst newly bloomed roses

Where even angels fear to go trekking

We were watching birds when Sunny fell

It was quite a shock, for he was steadfast

I felt powerless to pull him towards me

He had fallen from the slippery side

The first rock he hit, dulled his sight I assume

For he couldn't reach the branch that buzzed by

He was bleeding, I could hear him call out

But I was just too powerless to stop

The second rock he hit, broke his shoulders

For he seemed unable to wave his hands

He must have been in pain and shock

As he saw me fade, falling on his back to the descent

The third Rock must have broken his spine am sure

For he curled into a ball as he was falling

He had stopped his screaming, his voice faded

As the reality of his end seemed to dawn on him

He had fallen, straight, shattered and broken

We could only stare at this in utter horror

Sunny had fallen, deep into this weird darkness

He had lost his mind, he had fallen in love

a streak of orange in the desert

A marigold in the desert dune, is a sight

For a parched traveller, who has travelled far and wide

Casting hope, calming the looming of imminent death

It is what would bring a dying soul to life

Would you be my bloom, amongst this grim and gloom

Would you remind there is so much to see for my eyes

Would you be the rushing cold spring spray

Greening this desert of of my ebbing life

If you could call my name, every morning at rise

Would you also call my heart to your voice

For if there is just one thing I would dream of

Is to hear your name in songs of my life

I have lived like this desert, become barren sand

Overcast me, rid me of this ungodly scorching sun light

Drench me in you, ingite the fire of undying passion 

Breathe into me, make me you, become my life

One last wave to me

It is beautifully poetic 

knowing how it ends

For every ray that bursts, 

 to every petal that lands

Let go from hands that cannot hold

Profoundly in fears of change

I had set sail, knowing the reefs

Knowing the dark and the deeps

I had befriended all the sirens 

I had the kraken by my seat

I had conquerored all my fears

I had nothing left to see

My sails have been Theseus'd

Weaved with the patches of my skin

Dried in scorch of the summer sun

Salted by the briny unforgiving seas

I have been through enough love and loss

I have burnt enough bodies at eve

When I took to the sea this last time

wishing this be my final journey

I stood long and bid farewell

To the port and those who have sailed

I have no reason to be back 

I have no reason to fold my sails

Aare koi na, kaam ho gaya

wo jeehl jo tumhaare ghar ke paas hai

maine suna that sookh rahi hai

kal baita, maine zara bhar diya

aakhon se sooch kar tumko 

shaayad jheel thodi namkeen si hogi

aankhein to jal rahi thi meri

Dil ke zakhmo par the tum barse

galaakar tum jalaa gaye the jo

saancha tha wahi namak maine jigar mein

wahi ghul aakhon se kal nikal aaye

darr to raha tha mai kahi

dekh na lo tum verandaase mujhe

dhundle geele nazron mein kahi

jhooti hasi na dikhaa paoon mai

hasna shayad bhool gaya tha mai 

jo tumse milkar ekdum se yaad aa gayi

par phir yaad aaya mujhe ye baat

meri hasi gair kudrati si hi hai

tum agar kisi shyam jao us jheel

chal lena zara sa uske uthle paani mei

mai to nahi naap aaoonga kabhi 

mere ansu se sanjh dhoop shyaad tumpar jhilmilayegi

wo jheel jo tumhaare ghar ke paas hai

ab nahi sookhegi kabhi meri aankhein wahan jo chhod aaya hoon 

Like Sandpaper on my soul

You make these colours come alive my love

But then remind me how they are just colours

After I have breathed them into my lungs

Feeling it was wisps of your fragrance

Quite the cough, I have at times you know

Doesn't help with my bronchi struggling for breath

These colours now run everywhere, unruly

Blackening my red with my heart's green

I wished for a shade of orange hint of avarice

Maybe a hint of pink for lust, purple vanity

Yet the prominence of my green, tears asunder

The wish to hold you amongst life's cacophony

Then again, black exists in shades of everything I see

Beautiful too maybe, when in shades of Mahogany

The heart like a table holds effervescent memories

Of time stopped briefly between you and me

Now that the colours have tainted my soul

I have nothing but an ebb of slow draining sea

The sands once we're on my hands and knees

This time, my eyelids, scraping my eyes underneath

You can try, but

A sea horse asked me once 

"Do seahorses dare dream, 

Of one day to become a steed?

Maybe to find a jockey, win one race

Pose for pictures, be named a prize?

I looked inside my dying sea said

" It would be such a stupid dream"

"My dear darling sea horse you" 

"Steeds stride on land and sand

While you bob in the ocean green" 

At such the sea horse replied

"What if I give all my soul for such? 

Bleed forever, and even pray for it

Surely the universe would see my love

Have me shoed, I ain't asking for much

I looked at it gently, and with all my pity said

"Why try to be what what you cannot match

Your blood nor words can never be of worth

You have known them to never see

A seahorse being alive out of the sea

Give up dreaming now of becoming a steed"

It may be Gentle someday

In a runaway carriage

 on broken roads, 

patched uneven

The rumblings

  rattles into your soul, 

unwarranted, yet profound

Maybe holding on hurts

So I persist and hold on

For falling off hurts even more. 

In my life of runaways carriages

My carpets are red

Always torn and in disarray 

When the chasm breaks my landing

I dust off my pain and walk home

Into another runaway carriage

Riding again into an oblivion 

Like a habitual offender

Of low self worth, in loathing

Pulled by a horse of love 

 dead a little too long ago

This brings none joy

This brings me woe

Yet I seem to be on a repeated tow

My logic and reasoning 

 are Delirious

  even decidious now

My heart is a caricature of failing love

Painting her love red

She reeked red, and her eyes saw stars

As her innards screamed to engulf him

In a moment of pain, sprinkled with love

She moans in pleasure, feeling like a goddess

Breaching taboo, breaching here-say 

Spiralling into a frenzy of ecstacy and madness

As she curls her toes behind her kneeling

She grips the hair on his bare chest

She has found her self, or maybe a greater her

In this seemingly illicit moment

That she was often told is nothing but filthy

She has conquered her demons, subjugated them

As she looks into the eyes of her lover's staring

Her shyness smiles, eroding her inhibitions

In the bleed, she finds him awash in her

As she melts into their gentle love making

House Keeping

There are cigarette butts between the aluminium sliding of my French windows 

Too many to count, so I wont

A testament of how much I have been idle, my hands especially 

They are not used to be, it's a difficult learning curve

It isn't like smoking is a healthy habit, but then at this stage who cares about being alive

Oh wait, this was a month ago, this is a resonance

I care now, I do, so I am cleaning up

I am getting used to holding this absolutely lovely girl now

An alternative was to write dark poetry, I exercised that too, to a point of futility

You didn't read, it was mine after all

Not from someone who would treat you like a piece of meat

That you hate but seem to endlessly enjoy

Come September, you will be fine or something 'your Pretentiousness' 

I shall love you, but I won't tell

You don't want it, and I have given more than I could have

So I'll clean up this sliding, let it open and close freely, these fine French windows

A sentiment

Half asleep and all tired, as I unpacked my travel bag

I chose to lay down for a moment, trying to catch my breath

As I drifted to my slumber, my arm slipped over it

I fell asleep in what felt like seas, rivers, mountains, and cities

It was teeming with wanderlust, as it enveloped me

Into a restful sleep, it was the warmest cuddle, the gentlest dream

One of the heart's longings and it's desire to be free

As I woke to another work day, it felt like coming home

I channeled the millions of smiles that had beamed to me

From town and country, from rocks and valleys

I have never felt so complete, lying in my bed all alone

Have you ever cuddled up to your travel stroller

You too should try it, it is your portable home