Be mindful of hesitation

Coral red like a weathered paint on rather unique bed posts made of brass

The shelf handles are halfway red, underneath the grab section, faded on the palm side

Neither should ideally have been painted, but you wanted to match it to the decor

And here we are a few years later lamenting on our poor choices of paints and surfaces

It is easy to give in to momentary thoughts and deny what sometimes can be obvious

Often being oblivious to facts make us fall from edges crumbling without warning

Neither of us should ever stand on ledges, especially old ones without knowing its pitfalls

And here we are on the floor on our backs fallen, separated by a picket fence of thoughts

Like a random day of lovemaking can be brought about to an indefinite halting

To a point where the feeling of lust could evaporate like camphor subliming in heat

Neither of us can ever be prepared to meet such a dilemma head on, it's quite unthinkable

Yet here we are in the coldness of the heart no longer warming in a touch of intimacy

As I sit under the chandeliers, glowing with a hint of a fading sun upon a beautiful evening

I look into the black night, the distant glow sign is a cold white, bringing me chilling thoughts

Neither of us would want to leave our scent on each other anymore, it seems so lost

Yet here we are in the embrace of love, wondering if our tongues would meet again

Being Me

When we have walked away from what we once had together, what is left of the bond?

Nothing, but a rotting carcass of spent emotions and rancid anger

Muttered in tones underbreath, in the loneliness of each at this stage

We only have me to curse for this plight we seem to share between us

I wish I could have been a better soul, or maybe at least a compliant one

But we both know that a broken soul has nothing to be fixed with, and every shard hurts

I speak to these lone moments, ask if my breath is justified in your absence

I only see me as the unwanted curse of the abomination called love and longing

Sailing away from the port

I have never felt free, I have yearned for it

I can never be free, free because in everything I think of you existed

They bring me back to our moments, of laughter and sadness

This random passage of time demands my sacrifice, of you

I relinquish my life with you, for you could be better off without me

This could be my epilogue, maybe my gravestone could read

And like the ship of Theseus, every bit of me had been altered

I no longer recognise myself now, without you walking my decks

At port when you step away tomorrow, do not turn back to wave

I shall break my chains, steady my sails and set myself adrift

For I wish you well, away from the confines of my existence

When you are no longer on-board, I can weep in peace sans questions

I shall float on the endless oceans of my isolation of you

For this is what I can best provide, letting you heave sanity bound breaths

There is no need for seething under your breath, or to be in curdling rage

My fading into the horizon shall set you free to be you, be the best version of you

Does a falling tree in the forest make a sound

I am fading gently like the sun sets 

Amongst the woods, away from you

For I am away from you, amongst the woods

And I don't want to go home anymore

I rather fade here into the thickets

And heed no calls for a return

I have no one to call me back

I had you once, to call me back 

Let me like a tree fall in the forest

It won't make a sound, and so not distract 

Mix into the forest mud

And fade away from this run

If you come visiting these woods, don't

The trees could die when you turn and leave

You could still turn a blind eye and wonder

How your absence tears a world asunder 

ECG

You can stop now, you are not needed to do that anymore 

You have been so supportive, you have kept me calm, excited me

You have touched my life endlessly, you can stop now

I have only you, but I rather not let you continue let me go now

We sat by the sea, and you were hurt more than me

I tried to calm you but you wept, you drama queen

I know you and I have known you all my life, so listen

You can stop now, you are not needed to do what you do anymore 

Why would you keep at it, you know it is futile we have no takers

Those who will, shall only bleed us in every moment in every word

Yet you will be to blame, I have blamed you too, but you were wrong

Listen, You can stop now, you are not needed anymore 

You can stop now, you are not needed to beat anymore 

I am done having you pumping blood into my unwilling veins

Let tonight be our final talk, let me not hear you bring me back to life

You deserve your break, may you find your silence tonight 

Moving in

My refridgerator just came in, I was wondering if you would like it too

It is a beautiful wine red, reminds me of the wine we ordered once

It has been so long ago that I have been held by you, a few weeks 

It seems to feel my chest has caved, and maybe my soul has died

This is a weird emotional outburst, but then isn't loving prone to such

I am a mortal after all, but I pretend to be all high and mighty, foolishly too

When you respond in monosyllabic words, a little bit of me dies

It is painfully slow you know? This dying in bits each time at random

I haven't plugged in the refrigerator yet, I rather wait for the technician

You see I liked it, but I have understood that my liking bears pain

I want to make some jelly and custard for you, if you would like

If you decide to visit me at home someday, sooner perhaps

For now it is a long wait of two more days, it's only Thursday

I will wait for all the other amenities to be unpacked and set up before you visit

You will visit me some time right? Maybe sooner?

I mean, we can speak of everything including us, or maybe just have jelly or custard.

Dead flowers tell tales

War never changes 

yet nothing of value is lost

In the intentions of love

truth is rarely found

My love is like a raging war

Your thoughts are my enemy

I wish to be loved just a little

But you only make me bleed

I run like a mad dog

Into the memories of you

I fall in love all over again

The only fool is me

Tough choice? not really

When does it end, this anxiety that perturbs

Of trying to match the moods of a lover

What they do is justified, what you do isn't 

They choose the rules, and you have to abide

This anxiety better be a lover at this point

For it seems less prone to belligerence

It has no wants of attention from else

It only has and wants to focus on you

Then again, anxiety would never lie to you

Nor.does it stab silently, and laugh at your fails

It probably is much more pronounced than love

It waits for your return in its cold cold arms

Between love and anxiety, you have no choice

The former begets the latter, eventually

For all the love you can offer will be cast aside

And all that you love will feed your anxiety 

Lemony Dreams

Hey, I am in the lemon orchard, I recall us planting this a few summers ago

I hate to tell you this but, they are all affected by citrus canker

We could argue that that doesn't bother any one who eats lemons

But then again a fruit should look good to sell

The lemons are indeed lovely, I must add but yes they are a tad ugly

That doesn't allow me to make my vodka with its rind

I made some juice last evening though, served it to the guests

They knew you, they were quite thankful for your fruits

The lemons you gave me are not as fancy though

You see, the lemons of words and reassurances went sour

It isn't that I haven't tried to make lemonade from those

They are just too sour, sugar seems to not work on them

That being said, I sent you a wooden box full of lemons

They are from your orchard, maybe no longer yours I keep forgetting

I mislabelled then as ours, I hope you can ignore that

I hope you extract the juice, and use them this year

If I may request

There is much to be in love for, yet I fear of it fading intermittently

It sometimes reminds me of waves, gentle and the sudden stormy rushes

I have been lashed by both, in gentle and in its fiery swells

I ask not to be rid of the storms, I ask for a gentle consideration

While you soar into the clouds, and into distant lands of wonder

Know that I wait in action, but I may fail to express in words

My words are woven into poetry, often in containing my hurt

I hope when you read them, you can somehow empathise

I have learnt to become human, in your gentle cuddles and in rejection too

I have found me beautiful, In your kisses and naughty whispers

If I should fade now, know that I would lose all lf me

Hold my heart gently, it has known endless suffering in your void

Sun le zara, ek baar to

Sambhal to jaane de, thoda sa to waqt maang raha hoon

Abhi abhi to thukraya hua tha, wo zakhm bhar to jaane de

Tum gaye tab bikhar gaya tha, unn tukdon ko 

Sametne to de

Sambhal to jaane de, thoda sa to waqt maang raha hoon

Yoon hi jab tum mujhepar naarazgi jataate ho, darta hoon

Yahi naarazgi to tumko dur le gayi thi mujhse

Mai to wahi tehra raha, sochkar tum kabhi to aaoge

Sambhal to jaane de, thoda sa to waqt maang raha hoon

Tum kehte ho ki mujhe shaayad tumse pyaar nahi hai

Mere tootne, ruk jaane, tadapne se pooch lo mera kya sach hai

Main to aaj bhi tumhaari aankhon mein khud ko kho deta hoon

Sambhal to jaane de, thoda sa to waqt maang raha hoon

Fall Of Civilizations

You know, red changes to brown often 

I know it all too well, these letters

They were written in red, I had let them dry

Under the summer sun, but I never posted these

The red is from the earth, worry not, it's not blood

Not mine, not an animal, neither is it a dye

It was sieved from powdered Um Ishrin sandstone

And in your absence I mixed it with my tears

You could deem it senseless as a choice, it surely may have been

I had carried sandstone from a land last week

I had packed thirty kilos, now I am left with two

Each poetry costs ten grams, I will leave the count to you

Love could change mortals, not Gods

She would have chosen better, yet her heart wouldn't let be 

As the universe conspired, she was left at unease

She had long wandered in search of love and warmth

The universe played its perverse prank, it brough her to me

I was a worthless wandrer, so profoundly untamed

She begged time to change my heart, as she wrapped herself to me

I would not change, nor would I let myself take this chance

The years found her weathered and battered, as lost as one could be

Maybe I could have known the truth, maybe I could have stated it sooner

And in my god complex amongst mortals I could have been sober

But as the days passed, my living subjected her to remorse and insanity

For her to look at me in contempt, yet trying to hold on to me

The other side is always easier than mine

When it's morning, and I have a hangover post a night of drinking

I know you are better, fresh as a morning dew happy and beautiful

As I face the day in the void of you, and your embrace I seem to miss

You maybe are cuddled in the warmth of someone better

When the rains washed away my dreams, you found joys in a few

When I curled up and cried, you caressed another as a lover too 

If I do not exist in a plane, I know you would feel better maybe even thrive 

For I am only a bane of your existence, you were a boon for mine

When I sent my warm wishes, you rejected them with brutal cold

As I sought to console your pain, you stabbed the seams of my mending

When I silently caved and wilted, letting out no sound to be heard

You maybe craved the music of my heart that had bled

I hope the winds blow your way kindly, it doesn't seem so towards mine

Knowing that one end is always trouble, I know the other will be fine

It is how paradoxes are, one side a polar opposite of the other

I was reaching out in love, you were as always reacting in hatred

Serenading the evening

The white and red blends like sunset and wine on a warm summer evening

Where the mind wants to float into dreams of sultry scenes

As you cross your legs and gently pretend to keep your calm

A storm of madness washes me away into a crazy unbridled sea

As the slight distance of your chair, away from me feels like a chasm 

I raise my feet under it and yank you ever so close unnoticeably 

You have known me to be subtle, sneaky, and always bratty

For always wanting your body to be close, rubbing against me

I lean over as I pretend to whisper, you and I know I am not going to

I pull you close to say a lot in words, but I don't 

I choose to rather let your earlobes hear my burning desire

As my tongue tickles your ear, making you close your eyes

As you lean back, your lips trace a smudged line on my cheek

You apologise and offer a tissue to wipe while i rub your lips on my other cheek

You could ask if I am mental, or what has bit me today

I retort that you haven't by now, as I lean back and blow kisses at you

Hide and seek

Nothing really changes, yet I hanker about it rattling my mind

Knowing the futility of wanting a change, pushing myself to despair

My questions are never what I have brought upon the self

In this willful torment, it is often a self deprecating why

In the want of sunshine, amidst the battering thunderstorms

I fail to see how the leaden clouds soothe, wash away my tears

Knowing full well the sunshine would only dry them 

Leave a trail of the salty tears, in the wake of your absence

When the sun gleams, I feel its vehement mocking of my pain

Making it gleam like a piece of broken glass, to cut and bleed me

I have no strength to ask for a respite, for my eyes hurt

The light is too bright, and the crying has not helped either

In the nights when I emerge out of my hiding place

The moon hangs low, shines its gentle light on me

One could think it was being gentle, but it only serves to remind me

Of a mortal me that can always try to run, but never ever hide

Arz kiya hai

Mere mann mein kaii silvatein hai

Jin mein tumhaari yaadein chip kar baithi hain

Kuch achaanak se mujhe hasaa deti hai

Kuch mujhe daraakar, rulaakar phir chip jaati hain

Mujhe darr nahi lagta hai ab andhere se

Mere mann se pheeki hoti hai ab ye raatein

Is mann ki syaahi se jo lafz likh sakta mai

To rooh kaap jayegi sabh ki meri likhaai se

Agar mai kabhi yaad aaoon galti se bhi

To maafi maangta hoon tumse abhi hi 

Tumhaare dil mein nahi hai jagah meri yaadon ki

Mera jeena aur kya hai sivaaye gustakhiyon ke

flowers fade, memories don't

Who else could love a sunflower petal when it is dead and dry

As it moves from its gentle yellows to an unremarkable fade

Brittle and devoid of the richness that once lit up hearts

I hold these petals captive in my diary filled with morbid poetry

If you have ever read my diary, pray let me know 

For then you shall be one last person I would wish to see

I have forever appeared brightly yellow in my  deeds and words

Inside I have always remained wilted and dry like these petals

Unlike the sunflowers I have nothing worth of  value for anyone

Except a few words of kindness and sometimes a hug

I cherish this sunflower I had offered someone once in love

Only to have been put aside and forgotten on a park bench

I often look at these and wonder why it like me was left behind

For it had not asked to be loved, unlike me

When I sat on the bench next to this flower ignored or chance forgotten

I waited to give it company in hopes of your return to reclaim us

If only I was a Guppy

The rain has brought fresh water to the drains 

I can see guppies now swim in it so clearly

While it seems so much more beautiful now

I rejoice, it is unfair to those guppies somehow

The murky waters are where they always feed

My happiness is inconsequential to their breed

I don't live in the drains, I fall in one somedays

Often when I am drunk, and walk in my sway

Being drunk doesn't help me erase old pains

A day passes and a hangover is the only gain

But these guppies they live here in this drain

Maybe there is only torment for us in the rain

Maybe if I was a guppy, I would not need love

I would not need the alcohol to forget my woe

I could just swim here in this water and cry

Wait for my next meal and unceremoniously die

Sometimes what hurts can be loved

Choose love or freedom

In this despair of disjoint and a desperation of wanting freedom

The mind rows in the metaphorical rivers of pain and release

I have never been one to wish for either as desperately as I do now

But either seems to only cause me anxieties of beginning anew

Love brings with it torments, and none of them are really sweet

We often imagine them to be a gift that arrives like a rose and thorn

I have learnt to know that roses look best from afar in a bush

Out of it and in the hands of people it only wilts and dies, much sooner

When love dies like a rose picked, we see the ugly sides of lovers

We pose questions of existence and if the divinity would yield 

I know me, I have conversed with the universe at length

It has mocked my foolish innate desire to be loved and free 

 

a slice of awesomeness

When you bite into a beetroot that is boiled just right

You realise a few things about life and its absolute magic

What seems so unruly, ugly, and so replulsive in its being

Transforms into something that makes your senses come alive

The gentle hint of its earthen aroma, subtly reminds of childhood memories

Then when you had eaten mud, but don't remember having done so

The mind was not as keen to remember as a child

But your taste buds remember it all too well

The colour it leaves behind, as you bite into its gentle flesh

The richness, unfathomable depth, and its wash a hint of pink hues

It is like the rush of urges of youthfulness that was forgotten

Where love was pinkest and the lust ran deep red

The sweetness it imparts in every bite of its soft morsels

Awakens a thought of how judgemental we have become growing up

What we percieve as a generic root and a mediocre vegetable

Has made us feel so undeniably wrong on a hungry stomach