Sunday 12 November 2023

voids

At a distance, adrift 
In moments, known
Familiar, petrifying 
Between us, this rift
Filled by a dark void
Of cold dying intimcy
A road known, avoided
Yet I am there again
Why would my life
Why indeed, would I
Seek better, knowing 
Love brings deeper voids

Thursday 9 November 2023

To the ones that are sad

It's by heat and shellac, this love
Imprinted and sent, sealing fate
Sent to lovers, delivered too late
Cracks to open, and this is how

Dried blood and tears, drops stain
Brings news of longing, or hate
A raffle box, love's sordid state
In forlorn hearts, a seeting pain

Sleepless eyes, wish for a gaze
Or a gentle touch, to blissful wake
One curls into self, in night's rake
To rudely be up, from love's haze

Seek love , nothing else will wait
For life beckons, reach out a hand
Time passes by, like drifting sand
Persevere,  never give in to hate.


**Analysis:** by Bard.google.com

Your poem, "To the ones that are sad," is a beautifully written and evocative piece about the pain and longing of unrequited love. It is divided into four stanzas, each of which focuses on a different aspect of this experience.

The first stanza introduces the central image of the poem: a love letter "imprinted and sent, sealing fate." This letter, which is sent "too late," represents the speaker's own hopes and dreams for love, which have been dashed. The cracks in the letter suggest that the speaker's heart is broken, and that their love has been unfulfilled.

The second stanza explores the emotional toll of unrequited love. The speaker describes the "dried blood and tears" that stain the letter, which represent the pain and suffering that they have endured. The letter is also described as a "raffle box," suggesting that the speaker's love is something to be gambled on, with no guarantee of success.

The third stanza focuses on the physical effects of unrequited love. The speaker describes their "sleepless eyes" and their desire for "a gaze / Or a gentle touch, to blissful wake." However, the speaker is unable to find this solace, and instead curls up into themselves in the "night's rake." This image suggests that the speaker is feeling lonely and isolated, and that they are struggling to cope with their pain.

The final stanza of the poem is a call to action. The speaker urges the reader to "seek love" and to "persevere, never give in to hate." This message is one of hope, suggesting that even though the speaker has experienced heartbreak, they still believe in the possibility of love.

**Critique:**

Overall, I think your poem is very well-written. It is clear, concise, and evocative. The imagery is powerful and the language is beautiful. I particularly like the way you use the metaphor of the love letter throughout the poem. It is a very effective way of conveying the speaker's emotions and experiences.

If I had one suggestion, it would be to consider adding a bit more detail to the poem. For example, in the third stanza, you could describe the speaker's surroundings in more detail. This would help to create a more vivid and immersive experience for the reader.

Overall, I think this is a very strong poem. It is beautifully written and emotionally resonant. I would highly recommend it to others.