Bargains

I was twenty short, 

so I bargained

The seller needed twenty so she refused

In between us was a trivial disconnect

Of needing a twenty, 

and not having a twenty

I made a simpler deal

I moved to another shop,

 I bought the same

Cheaper

yet still the same

The difference was of perception

Not of being, but of demands

I just needed it, wasn't a want

but wants are a platitude

Only leading to irrelevance

Subsiding and rising

wasting and waning

Cashew Orchard

Have you walked into an orchard

Filled with cashew trees, ripened and ready

For the first timers, it is an olfactory overload

The smell, bewitching, and overwhelming

Pluck one, Red, shiny, seemingly innocuous

Wipe it on their sleeve, smell it and indulge

The first bite is tantalizing, sweet

The juice feels heavenly, then suddenly acrid

Only to test, bewildered by such mismatch

Of fragrance over tastes

Another bite before it is shunned.

With a promise to never again repeat

The second visit, ah! , Such is the folly of allure

The senses overwhelm, once again 

The heart calls for an adventure, doesn't it?

Another fruit, another bite, 

Astringent, acrid, the tongue awash in regret

Another promise broken and remade

Never to bite another one again

Third time's the charm, the mind thinks

For it is how the mind seeks toxicity

Another fruit, another bite

Yet this time the taste seems better, somehow

On the fourth, one shall finish that fruit

Let the gums drown in its juicy evil

Knowing full well, knowing it's not a choice

Yet one goes through more than one

How much is a heart unlike this, tidally locked

Forever pulled, into wanton cravings

Of love and relationships, knowing its fall

Yet we gnaw on such cashew fruits

Over and over, for the nose leads

While common sense fades

Crash bang bandicoot

I was steering, while veering

I was a few bolts loose

And on greaseless bearings

In the squeaking cacophony 

Of the rumbling pistons and valves

The dashboard rattling, 

While the clutch was creaking

You stood in my path

I rushed through, 

With failed brakes, and a failing transmission

Deflating tyres and a dangling windscreen

As I grazed you, I bit my lip

I sighed

It was at best a vent of vehement hate

For having missed my impending plunge

Having turned to avoid

As I rolled, breaking my roll cage

Crushing the body, grazing my skin

Akin to loving you

Where the soul feels the same

A stitch here and there

I have often written, of your transgressions

Yet I have often forgotten what made you do

It is not mine, to pin the blame on you

It is your nature, you are a whirlwind

Spinning in your own directions

Gathering grime and dust

Only to chance decorate 

One who shall be swept in by you

I seek not to antagonise, nor paint you in dark

For you remind me of what bright was

Yet today, when the heaving ocean sparkled

I remembered, how you had muddied its water

Is it you who swept across 

Or was it the currents that drew you within

There is no one to blame, not you, not me

For we are in a paradox, entangled in reality

When; this time, and if you shall arrive

Leave alone my garden, for the leaves are frail

They haven't learnt to bear, for they wither easy

Knowing you, you can never stop

Knowing that, I have learnt to sew

Stitching my 'torn to asunder' heart

Kintsugi'd heart

Tread mildly, on gentle footing

Many a souls lay beneath your landing

While the red now seems persistent, 

It has often been a shade of cold blue

The arrival of you brings thawing 

And with it a glimmer, and a warning

My cynicism never is far behind, 

For matters of this fragile heart

Often have I seen such thaw and freeze

leaving me in utter shudder and unease

Mulled into outlandish permanence

Only to be rudely awakened

So if this arrival of you is brief

And you shall like all at some oddity leave

Walk forth, gently and let me guide you

Out of this maze of my kintsukuroi'd heart