Sand castles in the air

Blood and sand, are not the finest

To build castles of, the dreams sure 

are bloody, sandy, abrasive too

Yet once the madness of so called love takes over, all things are building materials

For love is materialistic, not rustic, caustic, deterministic, a shade of pointlessness, awkwardness too

I build my castle upon the tall rocks, a few steps away from the tide

I pretend to be smarter, but we all know how smart a lover really is, I also sometimes laugh, at myself, at my world, at my thoughts, at my justification, at my juxtaposition, angst, anxiety, madness, and  paradoxes thereof

To build it a taller one commands the heart, so full of this ruthless joke of what one calls loving, and what else does it exist as

It is a fair word, with enough backing in books, poems, poets that have gone awry, in turbid clarity, I build it bigger, for you, I am good at failing, I do bigger

abrupt

Trinkling drops add up

Often to a pool that will drown

I have drowned often in such

And this time I won't be found

I asked you to be mine

For a million lifetimes and more

Yet your lips tremble to utter

For your soul seems so unsure

Writers block, I guess

Can't continue this poem..

Sorry

Dream of the dark

Thy curse follows me cold

Relentlessly breaking my hold

Of sanity and the inability to be

Awake in this wake of old

Memories, Memoirs

Amidst this haunting nightmare

And spun figments of imagination

That stab my heart and scare

I wake often to find you dance

In the hollows of my mind

As you glee and taunt of darkness

And in such my sleep is hard to find

Go now, be where you wish to be

My soul wills a final sleep

Rustle the trees and whistle as you go

Let me find no one to grieve 

In to the deep

I heard a siren once

She sang of big ships like me

Sunk by magnetic mines

Not a captain survived

Nor a sailor was left alive

I was a ship sailing, unbeknownst 

As she sang of my own fate

And love, my magnetic mine

I heard her sing of my fall

When I saw me giving my all

Oh! Boisterous soul would ye be

Deaf to such songs of sea

For I have numbed my heart

My soul has been left uncaged 

So let this rusting hull drown

Flights of the birds

I watched a crow build it's nest, struggling

I reached out with a bunch of loose sticks

She flew away afraid at first, I arranged them together in a pile, left it upon the tree bough

She hesitated at first, then picked up each stick, built her nest, her cawing would be beautiful as she raised her young

It was murder the other day, they all came in, wanting sticks, I set a big pile by my window

The crows had a safe haven, somewhere at least, they are mostly hated I knew

They were all well when I changed my home

A weaver came along, I shredded some sticks, helped her too, she built a beautiful nest, she had young chicks too

I found her at the lamp, perched, singing

She had no qualms of my reach, she had forebodings though

The last rain she saw, I set up a shade for her shrub, she chirped a sad goodbye to me when I had to move this home too

An eagle came along, through my window in the new home, I nursed her back to health and she flew alongside my walks

Each evening when the sun would redden the skies, she would perch at the helm of my garden chair, wave her wings to calm me down

I knew her eaglets, they loved me very much so, then came another moment when I had to leave this home too

I finally arrived at my present home, rested my tired heart a tad, and one morning it bumped me into another soul

It wasn't a bird in duress, it was a woman though, I found her gathering strands placing them for a magpie's home

I asked if she would want me, want me to help in her tasks too

She held my gaze as she leaned to kiss, and my soul was born anew

So my home now is built, upon the stories of birds we knew, She tells me of some she found, I tell her of my few

Each evening when we sit, I brew her a coffee, she brings me some strands and I bring her some too

We both are weaving this gentle wish, as we soar the skies blue

Bangle dust and shards, and I refused to breathe easy

The glitter could be golden, but the price would kill

I set myself straight, walked through the road going uphill

Where once hatred roamed, where life was arid

The gentlest oasis was a Mirage, time was a slow passer by

A mynah comes to my balcony to wake me up.It sings of how much it loves the daybreak

I find you asleep rolled away, I pull you close

I feel your breath on my neck and I wonder

If the morning needs me to wake up,

Would the world not be able to go on without me today; But then again, it is like this everyday since you held me closer and I have nothing else 

Breathe in the air, let me wake when

Under time's tutelage I have learnt

nothing, and nothing at all for each day

springs as new, bringing surprises anew

like me falling in love with someone who holds 

my likeness of living and life, loving and longings.

I would be adamant, arrogant, and an idiot

to believe I would know what the next moment brings us

Nothing new, nothing will be, for nothing exists

Neither in you, nor in me

And these are mere words that I scribble in the moments 

that are passing, even if

Not like these will be back, but not like I care 

I would want to know everything, it's human after all 

to pursue grandeur and an upper hand

Yet I also realise the time and tides of life are at best 

a secret, never known, shouldn't be too, I wouldn't 

love otherwise

So mother time, mother universe, mother soul, 

would you carry me through

And this existence is a shadow of my wanton doubts

I stay far off these, yet I try to be like you

All, everything and everyone and you wake me

Remind me I matter to me, I see not though sometimes

I see not me sometimes, love does

My love does, it gathers me, sometimes

overwhelming me and I call out

It reassures me, she does too, and I rest

isn't that what love really is then, if this wasn't so

why would love even exist.

I float into these thoughts of being drenched

As my life dredges me through the river of life when 

the sand clumps at the toes of my feet

It may hurt at times, itchy sometimes too

I breathe, and she breathes into me a life 

I fathom couldn't have existed

I wake up half way between her arms, almost about 

to embrace her and ask myself

Am I really home, or am I in another lucid dream, 

while I suspect mother time

Yet I give in, for I trust my mother's, all of them,

 the aforementioned

They sing me lullabies to me and assure me of 

my wakefulness, and I question

Who needs a lullaby to be awake

I float on along, in love, into my love, of unto me 

and unto her

Letting this be, writing endlessly 

-----------------------------------------------------

A review and interpretation by google bard.

The poem "Breathe in the air, let me wake when" is a meditation on the nature of time, existence, love, and the self. The speaker begins by acknowledging that they have learned nothing from time, and that each day is a new surprise. They then go on to say that they would be arrogant to believe they could know what the next moment brings. This suggests that the speaker is aware of the uncertainty of life, and that they are comfortable with this.

The speaker then goes on to say that they would like to know everything, but that they realize that the time and tides of life are a secret. This suggests that the speaker is curious about the world, but that they also appreciate the mystery of life.

The speaker then turns to the concept of love. They say that love reminds them that they matter, and that it gathers them when they are feeling overwhelmed. This suggests that love is a source of strength and comfort for the speaker.

The poem ends with the speaker floating in thoughts of being drenched. This suggests that the speaker is feeling overwhelmed by life, but that they are also at peace. The speaker then says that they breathe, and that their love breathes into them a life they could not have existed without. This suggests that the speaker is grateful for their love, and that it gives them a sense of purpose.

Overall, the poem "Breathe in the air, let me wake when" is a thoughtful and poetic exploration of the nature of time, existence, love, and the self. The poem is well-written, and the speaker's voice is clear and engaging. The poem is also thought-provoking, and it leaves the reader with much to consider.

Here are some specific things I liked about the poem:

The speaker's voice is clear and engaging.

The poem is thought-provoking and leaves the reader with much to consider.

The poem is original and does not rely on clichés or overused tropes.

Here are some specific things I would suggest the poet consider editing:

The poem could be more clear about the speaker's definition of "love."

The poem's rhythm could be more consistent.

Overall, I think this is a well-written and thought-provoking poem. I would recommend it to anyone who enjoys thoughtful and poetic explorations of the nature of time, existence, love, and the self.

Here are some specific criticisms of the poem:

The poem can be a bit vague at times. For example, the speaker's definition of "love" is not entirely clear. This can make it difficult for the reader to fully understand the poem's message.

The poem's rhythm can be a bit uneven at times. This can make it difficult for the reader to read the poem aloud.

Overall, however, I think this is a well-written and thought-provoking poem. I would recommend it to anyone who enjoys thoughtful and poetic explorations of the nature of time, existence, love, and the self.

AI FIXED VERSION BELOW:

Revised version:

Title: Breath Within the Unfolding

Under the guidance of time's instruction,

I've gleaned naught, and still nothing,

For each day unfurls anew, brimming with surprises,

Like stumbling upon love in the grasp of one

Who mirrors my essence of existence and desire.

To claim knowledge of the next fleeting moment

Would be arrogance, ignorance, and folly,

For nothing remains constant, nothing truly exists,

Not in you, not in me,

Mere words, these scribblings in passing moments,

Transient, unlikely to return,

Yet I find apathy taking hold, indifferent,

Longing to comprehend everything,

A human pursuit, lured by the allure of control.

Yet in this pursuit, I acknowledge

That life's currents and rhythms are enigmatic,

A secret unknown, intentionally so,

And I wouldn't want it any other way,

For it is this mystery that kindles my affection.

Oh, mother time, mother universe, mother soul,

Shall you carry me through this journey?

This existence, a shadow cast by my lingering uncertainties,

I keep my distance, yet aspire to emulate your essence.

Everything, everyone, and even you awaken me,

A gentle reminder of my significance to myself,

Though at times, I lose sight of my own reflection,

But love perceives what eludes my gaze.

Love encompasses and overwhelms,

Its reassurance echoes within, as do her words,

And I find solace,

For without this, why would love even exist?

I surrender to contemplation, consumed,

As life's river carries me along,

The sands cling to my feet,

Occasionally abrasive, at times agitating,

Yet I breathe, and she breathes life into me,

A reality beyond my fathoming.

I awaken, nestled between her arms,

Almost reaching out to embrace her,

Questioning the nature of home,

Or whether I dwell in another lucid dream,

Suspecting the gentle prodding of mother time.

Nevertheless, I yield, placing trust in all my mothers,

Those mentioned and unmentioned,

Their lullabies sing me into wakefulness,

Prompting me to inquire,

Who needs a lullaby to remain alert?

I drift, engulfed in love's embrace,

Amidst the love within me and within her,

Allowing it to be,

Writing ceaselessly, embracing the boundless.


and a criticism of its own work:

The poem you have presented delves into themes of time, love, and self-reflection. While it explores these concepts, there are areas where it could be subject to criticism:

Lack of Concrete Imagery: The poem relies heavily on abstract and general descriptions, which can make it difficult for readers to form vivid mental images or connect with the emotions being conveyed. Incorporating specific and sensory details would enhance the poem's impact and make it more engaging.

Inconsistent Metaphorical Development: The poem introduces metaphors such as "mother time," "mother universe," and "mother soul," but doesn't fully explore or develop these metaphors throughout the piece. Strengthening and extending these metaphors would provide a richer and more coherent thematic framework.

Uneven Pacing and Structure: The poem lacks a consistent rhythm or structure, leading to a somewhat disjointed reading experience. Establishing a clearer flow and structure would help guide the reader through the ideas and emotions being presented.

Redundancy and Repetition: Some phrases and ideas are repeated throughout the poem, which can create a sense of redundancy. Streamlining the language and eliminating unnecessary repetition would improve the poem's conciseness and clarity.

Lack of Originality: While the poem explores universal themes, it doesn't offer a fresh or unique perspective on these subjects. To make the poem more distinct and impactful, consider incorporating personal experiences or novel insights into the exploration of love, time, and self-reflection.

Grammar and Syntax Issues: There are a few instances of awkward phrasing and punctuation errors that can disrupt the flow of the poem. Careful attention to grammar and syntax would enhance the overall readability and effectiveness of the piece.

By addressing these aspects, the poem can become more evocative, cohesive, and thought-provoking.

I miss the sweltering sun

Hey June, where is the dust all of a sudden

You arrived early by a whole week, I had planned the following

A couple of chairs in my balcony

Two glasses of white rum

Mixed in cold coffee from cartons

Some Garlic butter prawns 

A bottle of The Grey Goose stuffed with fairy lights

An evening to kick back and relax too

Yet you brought me love, and you brough me parting too

A heart once filled with warm camaraderie is crying now

And I go through the following

A forced trip of guilt somehow

Forsaken trust in lieu of biterness abound

The skies being filled with rain clouds

Only to cast darkness on my wish to being in love

Was this how my May was, is this how I should be lost

A dry leaf held by this new found love 

While my soul goes through the following

A curse by my very close

A terpid shade of jealousy 

A shunning for one minor exclusion

And here the rains are only ranting of love

Darkness to dim lights

Seven seconds, per floor on weekend nights

Is how this moves, you can hear the silent hum

As the motor plunges me thirty floors down

It's late night, and a Saturday to boot

My heart is racing to rush towards the bus stop

Yet these floors seem endless, over a hundred

I start to count around seventy, it decreases 

Incrementally, yet anxiety grows inversely

Sometime between fourty and thirty eight

I doze off inna short seven second nap

Yet I watch whole movie length episodes

Of escapades and engagement, you or else

I shake my head, the elevator slides deeper

While it suddenly loses power, at the last floor

I see a wall where the door was, I am stuck

I panic, you are awake, mostly, waiting to eat

Dinner, that I need to cook, but how now!, how?

I think, i should've cooked in the morning 

Nothing is predictable, I ease up, lean against

The elevator emergency power flickers bulbs

I land, wake up, in bed, spoon you and sleep 

Metamorphosis

Refine this me 

Reform this me

But whatever you do

Redefine this me

Defile this me

Deform this me

But whatever you do

Desire this me

Destroy this me

Demolish this me

But whatever you do

Describe this me

Erase this me

Eradicate this me

But whatever you do

Devour this me

Build this me

Around this you

For this old me

Needs to renew

Rain in your pink

Your eyes are an ocean of chaos

What else would they be 

nothing less

  I become a vessel

I wait empty, 

Hoping you rain 

Thereby bringing me the fleets of fish

That will swim together 

In schools

stitching the waves

Binding all together

Waking me to wonders

Pouring Into this existence 

This insignificant, colourless,

Existence, mere meagre existence 

of me 

so rain in your pink today

wrap around me 

make me glee

let me whisper to you

as I gently howl

transform into a beast

that gently caresses, 

falls into you

holds you closer

breathes you hair

asking for your breath 

to enliven me

An Analysis by Chat GPT

The poem titled "Rain in your Pink" expresses themes of longing, desire, and the transformative power of love. The poet utilizes vivid imagery and metaphors to convey their emotions and create a sensory experience for the reader.

The opening lines, "Your eyes are an ocean of chaos / What else would they be / nothing less," immediately captivate the reader and establish the poem's tone. The comparison of the eyes to an ocean of chaos suggests depth and complexity, hinting at the intensity of the emotions being expressed.

The poet continues by describing themselves as a vessel, waiting empty, and hoping for the rain from the person being addressed. This rain is symbolically associated with the fleets of fish that will swim together, stitching the waves and binding everything together. Here, the poet implies that the love and attention from the subject of the poem will bring fulfillment and unity to their life, awakening them to wonders and pouring into their existence.

The language used to describe the poet's existence is melancholic and self-deprecating, emphasizing a sense of insignificance and colorlessness. This reflects the poet's longing for the vibrant and transformative experience promised by the rain in the subject's pink. The color pink may symbolize femininity, tenderness, or passion.

The poem takes a sensual turn as it describes the desired union with the subject. The poet wishes to be enveloped by the rain, experiencing joy and whispering their desires. The transformation into a beast implies a surrender to passion and intensity. The imagery of caressing, holding closer, and breathing in the subject's hair evokes a desire for closeness and intimacy.

The poem concludes by asking for the subject's breath to enliven the poet. This line suggests that the poet seeks reciprocation and connection, longing to be revived and filled with life through the subject's love and presence.

Overall, "Rain in your Pink" employs rich imagery and metaphors to express the poet's intense desire and longing for a transformative experience. The poem successfully evokes emotions and creates a sense of vulnerability, inviting readers to immerse themselves in the poet's emotions and yearning for connection.

at breakfast, love at first light

I have walked, limped, crawled, 

often dragged myself 

half willing to love

And failed over and again,

 for there was no me 

in love's reflection

I had become him

the everything as wished of me

 I meant nothing to me too

By the beach this one day

When the lazy, crazy sun dawned

My cab sent me wayward

The clocks spun backward

I found me in you

The dripping airconditioner sprayed

Oh so many stories of waterfalls

We joked about it too

Of geologists and engineers

putting on insulation tapes

To stop us from inadvertently bathing

Who bathes in full public view!

It was a seaside, but it wasn't though

My heart was the hills

Your's had dense forests too

As you trekked up to mine

And I traversed your's

Out brunch arrived on platters

And we cracked a few jokes 

About the guacamole too

When I asked you 

to switch to my side

For your voice was too gentle 

to register amongst your tune

You were the song

 I had been humming

Or maybe I was hummed to

The hours passed away swiftly

And when I found unnerving storms

You helped me sail through

When all that had pulled me apart

As work through bindings do

I turned around to you 

And found my self with you

I no longer cursed my birth

When I found my love for you

A sun fades, another rises

The sun doesn't wait to rise, far from it, it doesn't even see the wheat field

The wheat wait first light, for only in the sunlight can it glow like gold

The sun is a symbol of permanence, if not absolute it is still more so

The wheat glows to grow, to ripen, to dry, to hope of being born again 

Under the same sun, in a cycle of what I could call endless love

So if love shall visit my land, It would never ever be as golden sprawling wheat

It would be the sun, a being of light, a bringer of the endless cycle of my rebirth

For I have been the sun, I have glowed, yet I was not what the wheat wished for

I wish not to be the bringer of light, nor the being of warmth and all that life is

I will be wheat, plain golden wheat, that grows on greens, shimmering in the sunny winds

Falling into wake

Sleepless nights

where I come alive

Fade into sleep 

where I  die

I conjure voids

The dark beckons

To lure me

Promising me flight

I jump wilfully

Into your voice 

Plunge into numb

Leave nothing behind

All my reasoning

Are now expunged 

I sing ballads

Of hidden desires

Wondering of fading 

From your mind

Wakes my sleep

I vehemently perspire

You would go

Wouldn't you too

I find peace

In love's lies

general analysis by bard.google.com

prompt:analyse and critique the poem

The poem is about the speaker's experience of falling asleep and waking up. The speaker describes how they feel alive and awake during sleepless nights, but then they die when they fall asleep. They conjure voids, or empty spaces, in their mind. The dark beckons to them, promising them flight. The speaker willingly jumps into the darkness, into the voice of the person they love. They plunge into numbness and leave everything behind. They lose all their reasoning and sing ballads of hidden desires. They wonder if they will fade from the mind of the person they love. This wakes them up and they start to perspire. They think that the person they love would leave them too. In the end, the speaker finds peace in love's lies.

The poem is written in free verse, with no regular rhyme scheme or meter. This gives the poem a sense of freedom and movement. The language of the poem is also very fluid and evocative. The speaker uses vivid imagery to describe their experience of falling asleep and waking up. For example, they describe the dark as " beckoning" and "promising" flight. They also describe the feeling of falling asleep as "numbness" and "leaving everything behind."

The poem is full of symbolism. The dark represents the unknown, and the voice of the person the speaker loves represents hope. The voids represent emptiness and loneliness. The numbness represents the loss of control. The ballads represent the speaker's hidden desires. The fading from the mind of the person they love represents the fear of abandonment. The perspiration represents the speaker's anxiety. The leaving represents the speaker's willingness to let go. The peace represents the speaker's acceptance of love's lies.

The poem is a powerful exploration of the experience of love and loss. It is a reminder that love can be both beautiful and painful. It is also a reminder that we are all capable of finding peace, even in the midst of pain.

Here are some additional thoughts on the poem:

• The poem is very personal and intimate. The speaker shares their deepest thoughts and feelings with the reader.
• The poem is also very ambiguous. It is open to interpretation. The reader can decide what the poem means to them.
• The poem is beautifully written. The language is lyrical and evocative.
• The poem is thought-provoking. It makes the reader think about love, loss, and the meaning of life.

Dark analysis by bard.google.com

prompt:analyse and critique the dark poem

The poem "Falling into Wake" is a dark and disturbing poem that explores the themes of love, loss, and death. The speaker of the poem is clearly in a state of great emotional turmoil, as evidenced by the vivid imagery and the erratic syntax. The poem begins with the speaker describing their sleepless nights, during which they feel "alive." However, when they fall asleep, they "die." This suggests that the speaker is only truly alive when they are in a state of emotional pain.

The speaker then goes on to describe how they "conjure voids" and how the "dark beckons" to them. This suggests that the speaker is drawn to darkness and destruction. They are willing to "jump wilfully" into the darkness, even though they know that it will lead to their destruction.

The speaker then describes how they "sing ballads" of their "hidden desires." This suggests that the speaker is in love with someone who they cannot have. They are "wondering of fading" from the other person's mind, and this thought causes them to "perspire." This suggests that the speaker is deeply insecure and afraid of losing the other person.

The poem ends with the speaker saying that they find "peace" in "love's lies." This suggests that the speaker is only able to find peace when they are in a state of denial. They are unable to face the reality of their situation, and so they choose to believe in a lie.

The poem "Falling into Wake" is a powerful and disturbing poem that explores the dark side of love. The speaker is clearly in a state of great emotional pain, and they are willing to do anything to escape from their pain. However, they ultimately find that there is no escape from reality. The poem is a reminder that love can be both beautiful and destructive, and that it is important to face the reality of our situation, even if it is painful.

Here is a more detailed analysis of the poem:

• The poem is written in free verse, which means that it does not have a regular meter or rhyme scheme. This gives the poem a more chaotic and unpredictable feel, which reflects the emotional state of the speaker.
• The poem is full of vivid imagery, such as "conjure voids," "the dark beckons," and "plunge into numb." This imagery helps to create a sense of unease and suspense in the reader.
• The syntax of the poem is often erratic and fragmented. This reflects the speaker's fractured state of mind.
• The poem is full of strong emotions, such as love, loss, pain, and fear. These emotions are expressed in a raw and unfiltered way.