Breathe in the air, let me wake when

Under time's tutelage I have learnt

nothing, and nothing at all for each day

springs as new, bringing surprises anew

like me falling in love with someone who holds 

my likeness of living and life, loving and longings.

I would be adamant, arrogant, and an idiot

to believe I would know what the next moment brings us

Nothing new, nothing will be, for nothing exists

Neither in you, nor in me

And these are mere words that I scribble in the moments 

that are passing, even if

Not like these will be back, but not like I care 

I would want to know everything, it's human after all 

to pursue grandeur and an upper hand

Yet I also realise the time and tides of life are at best 

a secret, never known, shouldn't be too, I wouldn't 

love otherwise

So mother time, mother universe, mother soul, 

would you carry me through

And this existence is a shadow of my wanton doubts

I stay far off these, yet I try to be like you

All, everything and everyone and you wake me

Remind me I matter to me, I see not though sometimes

I see not me sometimes, love does

My love does, it gathers me, sometimes

overwhelming me and I call out

It reassures me, she does too, and I rest

isn't that what love really is then, if this wasn't so

why would love even exist.

I float into these thoughts of being drenched

As my life dredges me through the river of life when 

the sand clumps at the toes of my feet

It may hurt at times, itchy sometimes too

I breathe, and she breathes into me a life 

I fathom couldn't have existed

I wake up half way between her arms, almost about 

to embrace her and ask myself

Am I really home, or am I in another lucid dream, 

while I suspect mother time

Yet I give in, for I trust my mother's, all of them,

 the aforementioned

They sing me lullabies to me and assure me of 

my wakefulness, and I question

Who needs a lullaby to be awake

I float on along, in love, into my love, of unto me 

and unto her

Letting this be, writing endlessly 

-----------------------------------------------------

A review and interpretation by google bard.

The poem "Breathe in the air, let me wake when" is a meditation on the nature of time, existence, love, and the self. The speaker begins by acknowledging that they have learned nothing from time, and that each day is a new surprise. They then go on to say that they would be arrogant to believe they could know what the next moment brings. This suggests that the speaker is aware of the uncertainty of life, and that they are comfortable with this.

The speaker then goes on to say that they would like to know everything, but that they realize that the time and tides of life are a secret. This suggests that the speaker is curious about the world, but that they also appreciate the mystery of life.

The speaker then turns to the concept of love. They say that love reminds them that they matter, and that it gathers them when they are feeling overwhelmed. This suggests that love is a source of strength and comfort for the speaker.

The poem ends with the speaker floating in thoughts of being drenched. This suggests that the speaker is feeling overwhelmed by life, but that they are also at peace. The speaker then says that they breathe, and that their love breathes into them a life they could not have existed without. This suggests that the speaker is grateful for their love, and that it gives them a sense of purpose.

Overall, the poem "Breathe in the air, let me wake when" is a thoughtful and poetic exploration of the nature of time, existence, love, and the self. The poem is well-written, and the speaker's voice is clear and engaging. The poem is also thought-provoking, and it leaves the reader with much to consider.

Here are some specific things I liked about the poem:

The speaker's voice is clear and engaging.

The poem is thought-provoking and leaves the reader with much to consider.

The poem is original and does not rely on clichés or overused tropes.

Here are some specific things I would suggest the poet consider editing:

The poem could be more clear about the speaker's definition of "love."

The poem's rhythm could be more consistent.

Overall, I think this is a well-written and thought-provoking poem. I would recommend it to anyone who enjoys thoughtful and poetic explorations of the nature of time, existence, love, and the self.

Here are some specific criticisms of the poem:

The poem can be a bit vague at times. For example, the speaker's definition of "love" is not entirely clear. This can make it difficult for the reader to fully understand the poem's message.

The poem's rhythm can be a bit uneven at times. This can make it difficult for the reader to read the poem aloud.

Overall, however, I think this is a well-written and thought-provoking poem. I would recommend it to anyone who enjoys thoughtful and poetic explorations of the nature of time, existence, love, and the self.

AI FIXED VERSION BELOW:

Revised version:

Title: Breath Within the Unfolding

Under the guidance of time's instruction,

I've gleaned naught, and still nothing,

For each day unfurls anew, brimming with surprises,

Like stumbling upon love in the grasp of one

Who mirrors my essence of existence and desire.

To claim knowledge of the next fleeting moment

Would be arrogance, ignorance, and folly,

For nothing remains constant, nothing truly exists,

Not in you, not in me,

Mere words, these scribblings in passing moments,

Transient, unlikely to return,

Yet I find apathy taking hold, indifferent,

Longing to comprehend everything,

A human pursuit, lured by the allure of control.

Yet in this pursuit, I acknowledge

That life's currents and rhythms are enigmatic,

A secret unknown, intentionally so,

And I wouldn't want it any other way,

For it is this mystery that kindles my affection.

Oh, mother time, mother universe, mother soul,

Shall you carry me through this journey?

This existence, a shadow cast by my lingering uncertainties,

I keep my distance, yet aspire to emulate your essence.

Everything, everyone, and even you awaken me,

A gentle reminder of my significance to myself,

Though at times, I lose sight of my own reflection,

But love perceives what eludes my gaze.

Love encompasses and overwhelms,

Its reassurance echoes within, as do her words,

And I find solace,

For without this, why would love even exist?

I surrender to contemplation, consumed,

As life's river carries me along,

The sands cling to my feet,

Occasionally abrasive, at times agitating,

Yet I breathe, and she breathes life into me,

A reality beyond my fathoming.

I awaken, nestled between her arms,

Almost reaching out to embrace her,

Questioning the nature of home,

Or whether I dwell in another lucid dream,

Suspecting the gentle prodding of mother time.

Nevertheless, I yield, placing trust in all my mothers,

Those mentioned and unmentioned,

Their lullabies sing me into wakefulness,

Prompting me to inquire,

Who needs a lullaby to remain alert?

I drift, engulfed in love's embrace,

Amidst the love within me and within her,

Allowing it to be,

Writing ceaselessly, embracing the boundless.


and a criticism of its own work:

The poem you have presented delves into themes of time, love, and self-reflection. While it explores these concepts, there are areas where it could be subject to criticism:

Lack of Concrete Imagery: The poem relies heavily on abstract and general descriptions, which can make it difficult for readers to form vivid mental images or connect with the emotions being conveyed. Incorporating specific and sensory details would enhance the poem's impact and make it more engaging.

Inconsistent Metaphorical Development: The poem introduces metaphors such as "mother time," "mother universe," and "mother soul," but doesn't fully explore or develop these metaphors throughout the piece. Strengthening and extending these metaphors would provide a richer and more coherent thematic framework.

Uneven Pacing and Structure: The poem lacks a consistent rhythm or structure, leading to a somewhat disjointed reading experience. Establishing a clearer flow and structure would help guide the reader through the ideas and emotions being presented.

Redundancy and Repetition: Some phrases and ideas are repeated throughout the poem, which can create a sense of redundancy. Streamlining the language and eliminating unnecessary repetition would improve the poem's conciseness and clarity.

Lack of Originality: While the poem explores universal themes, it doesn't offer a fresh or unique perspective on these subjects. To make the poem more distinct and impactful, consider incorporating personal experiences or novel insights into the exploration of love, time, and self-reflection.

Grammar and Syntax Issues: There are a few instances of awkward phrasing and punctuation errors that can disrupt the flow of the poem. Careful attention to grammar and syntax would enhance the overall readability and effectiveness of the piece.

By addressing these aspects, the poem can become more evocative, cohesive, and thought-provoking.