Smart Buy

My spanners shine, like they were on the day they were bought

a set of five, dual heads joined at the center

I was sensible to get mine a tad angled, most forget that

those that do end up scraping their knuckles at every turn

but do you know why these are so shiny and clean?

they have been kept in a box, protected, covered safely

and I was smarter to buy two sets, one for use, one to gleam

It was a good thought then, I revel in that choice now

Orange marmalade

Orange marmalade 

Nothing else for you 

For nothing less will do 

Because uniqueness is you 

The flavour of the rind 

Like sparkles of your mind 

Hints amongst the sugar 

In every bite one finds 

When at the last morsel 

I turn around and leave 

You bring me my sanity 

Remind me how to live 

To my friends who wake me up

it is good for others, that we suffer in silence for

not for the want of their attention, but an end to this war

where neither wins, but bleeds to the bone

and then to only rot in the darkness like corpses cold

but this time, with you my friend my sanity is in tow

I do not look back to hanker on, nor am distraught

help me to remember that you and I can be all

we shall break the chains of my saddened soul

if my heart shall fall, I shall find it to shatter not

for it is stronger when your thoughts hold me taut

I shall fly higher than the phoenix that ashes bore

and shine like a million suns that the universe wrought

My Friend

April's gift

was a gentle nudge

A remit for ages 

of being lost

You dawned

I caught the light

Basked in you

And was found

Satin skies

The blues call out

You bring flight

Light my heart

You are

The clouds that crawl

Shade my walk

Keep me aloft

erosion

I'm sorry darling at my age my deep is out of your depth

and pity that your deep is a tad too shallow 

We could argue till the cows come home 

but on such grounds and matters 

the people of my age do not wallow

I could spit rhymes, metaphorical constructs

create many big things akin to what could be poetry 

it is only percieved dust for a generation new

who can't even deep-throat nor swallow

This rhyme that you are so in the rhyme of 

is a fragment of nothingness but a pit of mire

to express is the least of your skills forget imagine

yet all I read is the want to express a desire

let the rhyming be, 

let me just probably scribble sweet nothings

but these flows will only be a rain of fire

Until the meandering hills of your heart roams free like our's does 

your attempt to valiantly express will only be dire

Nope, Not today

I looked deep into the void

that was now my refrigerator

it had nothing of interest now

the bread stood silent, 

the eggs were hushed

the half-empty tomato puree carton

stood silently in woe

I had no inclination or the hunger

to whip up a dish to eat

for cooks like company

first to serve, then to eat

so maybe today I shall stay so

without a morsel or two

and everything that I feel about cooking

shall be cast aside and let go

I like this tree

The noon scatters light

to the roof of my room 

painted in a creamy white 

casting a rainbow of possibilities

I sit by the window

look outside, at the fresh green mangoes

March is ending, soon to be April

and they wait like me to change

become everything they have hoped

since we saw each other first

They have looked at me too

all these days, the tree for longer has

It has seen me weep, fight, fright

and then has seen me too

smiling into the warm evening light

We have come to know each other

for neither misses a chance to stare

at each other, at least once a day.

I see the raw mangoes are hope it

maybe that is how he communicates

come May, the mangoes will be yellow

most will for sure, and I will not pick

i will watch them, watch the birds perch

as they eat the mangoes and sing

much like my heart, like the tree's too

bearing hope to feed a hungry life

i have complained too much then

i see it clearly now and how

i will bloom for i am another branch

growing in this beautiful tree of life

Notes:

This poem was written as someone looking out her window and watching the mango tree. While that is a literal scene, it also is a metaphor for a lot of things.

The mangoes are a metaphor of new hopes and dreams, the birds all the people who come to the tree who is also the friend of the lady looking out of the window. The tree is metaphorically me, and the lady is my best friend. 

This is a very weird example of how my perspective of another person's perspective of another is written. 

Whatever the fuck that was

I met this woman 

and got to be friends

on random social media site shit 

lo and behold I watch a stand-up comedy

with a comedian that has not prepared

as i step up to complete his show

i am asked by the same lady to tow

when we reach her building elevator

i see the microphone has an SpO2 sensor

i test for mine, i get a 98

i am home as if to get laid

when she shows me her wedding pictures

she gets me all hard, and ready for things

before we get into the sheets and roll

i find more in want 

 surrounding me, bare

i walk around 

    rummaging for my clothes

i find them kept neatly folded 

    where i left it

i put on my clothes 

but before I walk out

i make some tea or coffee 

    something like that I guess

we sit and drink that, and i walk out

The Quagmire Of An Almighty

Things were out of reach, shelves and kitchen counter tops

Everything seemed taller, and my daily life was a shock

I knew I wanted to be a touch stronger than I then was

I decided to be bigger, I wanted to become a God

You see, when everything and every one hurts, we pray

Yet all our prayers and yell for divine intervention is in dismay

I knew there would be times in life of hurt, and it would be hard

I decided to be bigger, I wanted to become a God

When the time arrived to feel my heart break, it rained

Of rejection from me and my love, then me and the world

When everything was lost, when I broke down and I was distraught

I decided to be bigger, I wanted to become a God

The thirties flew by, everything went to dust, yet I persevered

Life was ugly, a struggle to breathe most times but I was smart

I had found my weakness, it was the fallacy of my loving heart

I breathed away my feelings, I had become a God

One could question what drives a man, I would tell you

It is the constant hurt and rebuilding, for only hope can spring life anew

I remembered I was beyond such mere perils of mortal men

I would see these sufferings and win, for I was this God

Now at this pedestal that I had been placed, by me and all

I would find ease in all that could make souls writhe and crawl

But I saw my life was lost in believing I was infallible

I had become everything unworthy, in being a false God 

And to tell you that

I will miss 

brewing coffee with oregano

watching the leaves

sumberge and emerge

as they impart themselves

into coffee

and when i drink from my cup

I will remember me

serving it to you 

in my favourite cup

the cup may not last much

for it has mostly outlived itself

but the memory of you 

holding it and drinking from it

shall forever remain

etched into my mind

always fresh,

like the coffee I would brew

for you

insanity

In a sea where the water only churns

and blind the eyes that take a dive 

My eyes hide in these deadly tides 

Weep, as I reek in this unending burn

Of love and longing that is unspoken

In hurt like a million ferns unfurling 

Dusting its powdery self , imprinting

Leaving me marked of love forsaken

Gently too, there is no rush for my hopes

Grazing like a happy lamb on new sprouts

A sight so heartwarming to all the souls

But the sprouts grow in hopelessness.

Hey love, be swift

I find my right arm quite redundant at this point

I miss the way it aches gently, every morning

After you wake up, having slept on it all night

The morning only brings me a painless emptiness 

You and I nurse wounds of the past that are gone

Yet we fan the flames that burn our soul in separation

If only you would let me find myself back to you

Rather than you blowing off the candles lighting my path

Would this night be any darker, if the moon drowned

And if I slept at the bottom of the pond where we swam once

Would you not feel my absence, like I feel yours so loud

Or would you just not think, and I am just a forgotten thought

Hey Stranger

I exist not for you to be in a deluge of torment

But for me to be what you so deeply want

Yet to not be contained by you or your thoughts

I exist for me, to be all I can be when you call

The port doesn't travel, ships and ferries do

The beach never moves, waves fro and to

The road goes nowhere, your walk moves you

I exist like these, for to rest a while and renew

You could sit at the docks, watch the churn

Recline on the sands under the golden sun

You could stop to smell the roses at every turn

I am not a thing that you can claim to own

Come, rest a while, leave at first light or dusk

I shall hear all your stories of love and arid lust

You can carry in your memories a gentle dust

I still will be here smiling through my red rust

Washing away

You were admiring 

the abrupt out-of-turn rain,

 holding me

while you were 

    romanticizing it, 

telling me 

of how you remember 

our first kiss,

  those many years ago

I said I did

but I remember us planting 

    two mango saplings too

We had lovely mangoes 

    last season in May

I am worried now 

    for this abrupt March rain

    will cause it to shed the flowers 

    crush their dreams 

    of becoming mangoes

Have you spared 

a thought for those two trees

and the now fading dreams

    of those florets

    drenching in the rains

    I can feel their pain too

    while your love is strong

my heart is longing to protect

    the old dream we shared

    when we planted those saplings

    and wished to eat 

    those mangoes every year

   

सोच रहा था

अलमारी में ठूंसे हुए कपड़े आज मैने जब निकाले

कुछ कपड़े तुम्हारे भी मिले, लिपटे पड़े थे मेरे कपड़ों से

जैसे तुम लिपट जातीथीं कभी, उन खामोश लम्हों में

और मैं तुम्हारी खुशबू को ही सांसें समझता था

तुम तुम्हारी अलमारी को साफ कर चुकीं थी पहले से ही

मैं हर कोने में तुमसे जुड़ी यादों को देख कर जी रहा था

आज तक उन ठूंसे हुए कपड़ों को देख मुस्कुराता था

पर अब मेरे पास वक्त नहीं रहा ऐसे मंद मुस्काने का

वक्त जो ढल गया है तुमको सोच कर, तुमको छू कर

मुझे उसका ग़म नहीं है, जीए जा रहा था जैसे तैसे 

अब जीवन को कुछ महीनों की मोहलत जो दी है

तुमसे दूर हूं इतना की मौत का खौफ भी नही रहा

Transliteration from chatgpt

When I pulled out the clothes stuffed in the wardrobe today,

I found some of your clothes too, wrapped in mine,

As if you used to embrace me in those silent moments,

And I used to understand your fragrance as my breaths.

You had already cleaned your wardrobe,

But I was living by seeing memories of you in every corner.

Until now, I smiled looking at those stuffed clothes,

But I don't have time for such weak smiles anymore.

The time that has passed, thinking of you, touching you,

I am not grieving over it anymore, living as it is.

Now that life has been given a few months' respite,

I am so far away from you that I don't even fear death.

Like a whiff of fragrant flowers

Do you ever think like I do every night, as I try to weave sleep into my eyes

I find the thread that could bind it missing, your arms

It would wrap around me like a comet's tail, and run me around the cosmos

As I gently drifted into sleep, in a smile and thoughts of waking soon

My vision has gone blurry, for the lack of rest and rest is illusive

For the heart races to watch you, asleep in a fold of memory I hold

Where I stand and whisper gently, in a worry of waking you up

And morning wrings me back in a richochet to my cold floor 

Do you smile in your sleep of late? You always have and I watched it

Often to wish it to be the last thing I see, before I die

I can often hear your murmurs, when I lie half awake, anxious

As your longing haunts me, before my pillow soaks my tears

I wouldn't want you to worry, I wash my pillow covers regularly

In anticipation of an off chance, should you come over a while

I wouldn't want you to rest on this worthless tear soaked one

The new fabric softener I bought, is beautifully fragrant too

Ah my love, paint me in your form

The edges of my life's book are curled

By your forearms when you leaned over

To scribble on my pages and colour a few

To then leave them open and gathering dust

I found this often and I gathered the dust

With them built a bridge of clay towards love

It was always in a rain of irony that it broke

And drowned me in your absence's eraser dust

I would sometimes try shading on a few pages

With a pencil of thoughts and rampant longing

The tips would break and smudge the lines

Remind me of how the art in my heart has died

When you visit interim, even for a generic gaze

My book has flung itself open, rattling pages

It has presented each page as a blank canvas 

For your gentle presence to draw as we age

The songs of above forty folks

It is absurd to imagine caramine red on a wicked noon

Indian Summers tend to bite into the flesh and curb imagination

The mercury hates to rise, the tin roof houses are like ovens

But then, mangoes, lots of mangoes, so many of them

Didn't that bring a smile to your heart my child that has grown?

You remembered the green sour ones you threw rocks at the tree for

Didn't you? Maybe you got a few, out of those twenty or so tries

But you can recollect their taste with a dash of salt and red chillies

It's March, the month of dreamy folks, oh! I so know sun signs

We all have at some point read and pondered over Linda Goodmans

You could step out of college and opt for a smoke or savouries

This month is dreaded due to the final semester exams

March will turn to April soon, the green mangoes will ripen too

You will order a few dozens, Kesar is best, Alphonso is hype

You will sit at home, enjoy slicing and eating these

But, thirty years ago, is so long gone my dear forty

Those memories of hearts joined and a lot of times broken

When schools and colleges would be closed for a new session

Some of you may have travelled in the sweltering heat

Then we would come back in June, for another year, rinse and repeat