Retrieve

This is not an expression
For I seek no acceptance of said such
For I write to see what I feel
Like a mathematician on a quest
Like a child that looks at the dying carcass 
Of a goldfish that fell out of the bowl
I see no joy or sadness there
But a zest for understanding the inner self
Could be egocentric, yet in my eccentricity
I am always digging
Over and over
Only to conclude
What I have always seen and realized
Sometimes I write to persuade my self
Most times
I write to exhume.

Divine unfunny

Read between the lines
Overtly shadowing, harrowing
Misleading with beauty of those pines
This is only a fraudulent attempt
Of a comedy, et all
Unlike Dante's
This is mine
Here there is no hell
No purgatory
Not a judgement of who you were
It is but a fragment of choosing
Your choices
And then when and if you shall choose to see
Reach out and ask
I will only guide
But on this journey
Remember
We both are alike
None superior
None lesser
We both as mere mortals
Afloat
As the universe floats us to the ends
Of it's mind
Unknown to either

Sunny days

On some random day
Where the sun dries those sliced tomatoes
Sprinkled with salt brine
I smell them
They feel beautiful
For they hold a promise
Of being dry
In frost
I can cook them in my pot
As they add flavour
Once so gentle
Yet so brilliant
Those sundried tomatoes
Slices
Slices in my pasta.

"This is but one of the many" said her voice
A place that holds down what should be
Amongst its lush greens, subterranean spaces
Are long lost, forgotten relics
Of a past that you are the culmination of
You are the bearer of the mantle it seems
Or we could engage
Into a prattle of how your fragility is
how pervious your likes are
For I have long known you
Lady luck was always in your favor
You have become the sum of your actions
Amongst the hunters and the arbiters
The grunts and the overwhelming oddities
"I will still wish to win"
As she faded before me , she remarked
You went searching for me when I was lost
And you never answered the question i had
who was the machine ,  you or I
When you took this girl on a ride
Now I am searching for you
Only to coax you to be beside
And you just defy, is this love ?
Or is it our end?

And what have I brought forth
What have I brought to the table
Of your life or mine
Only shattered shards of glass
And what we seem to do is only bleed of that
At that my question is why was it me
That is your run to ruin
Why the instance of the universe
In your case didn't deflect me
To be shunned into the darkness of the universe
Like matter that forms the ejecta
Set forth onto an endless trail
How I wish you are entangled to a sun
Your own
And I see your shadow
Darken my path, as I drift away .

Disconnected

What persuades a mind to seek
In this rancid futility of unpredictable life
I am happy I see another morning,
I see no reason to ties
Yet these around me seek
Try to tie and entangle
And then whimper like a a bee with a lost wing and dying
I see no pleasure or peace in such
Maybe its delirium
Or maybe it is mortal
I may not be on the right plane, i believe
For this is only worthless and daft
A life is only fuller by itself
Devoid of stupid turbidity of inane
For they bring only boredom
They do not matter to me

You my dear are born in a realm
Of constant chaos
Unlike me who has the easy road
For you can watch your nerves flare up and glow
Mine just ease up and relax
Not for I dont want to excel, but for I seek not to
Yet here you are at another juncture
Of creating stories
Tales of win , tales of struggle
The essence of being human
I have forever felt like an entity that controls outcomes
Like a divinity
Yet all I have is nothing
A vast emptiness
Yet never sad, never happy
You have the chance to be either
That I will always be jealous of

Severe the disjointed

In search of the perfect knife
A blade that would shimmer in the moonlight
Sharp enough to cut it too
And split each ray into a sparkle
That I would prefer to cut the ties of my ego
That has for long kept me alive
A ego that is defiant
Disjoint, and indifferent
That seeks to only keep my mind at peace
I am bored of peace
I want this mind to run amok
Be ravaged by the silly insecurities life seems to offer
To other souls around me
For then I wouldn't cringe at their absurdity
And then I may feel less out of place
Yet again
Would I still stay amongst these that spawn idiocy so profound
I may not
But then I would look at the shiny blade and smile
And accolade its failure
To bring obscurity to my mind.