Play

Fair game she said
If you like games
Can you win she asked
A question I cannot answer
All players pay
What more is to say
Than my life of heresy
And heresay
I have
I have had
I have always
Yet this time I folded my cards
Winning was too mainstream
I said i cannot win
Is that submission
Or is it the want of loss gnawing at my heels
Neither shall matter
My mind likes games
I am the game
And yet today
I am not

Birth

Let's burn this house down
Throw in a bundle of old memories
While its embers glow
Let me ask how you plan to live

These are the very you, clasped together
A fortified heart , moats and all
They broke you so much so
You outgrew the need for reaching out

Now at this inferno, look at me
Ask me to release you from this misery
Then be free, fly away from here
From all and everyone you know

Is all you are the sum of your actions
Or have you faked all you really are
Those questions no longer needs answers
Be born, be reborn

Deceit

The sins of the mind
Each graver than the last supressed
And one calls such morals
So much , like folklore
Of pain, treachery, lies and deceit
Such is the mind
What is pure
Is such a trance possible
Or is it a concotion
Brewed in the mind yet not disclosed
How does one become such
One never can,
Fear and pain are the masters
The very that own and puppeteer
And all the mind does is stagger
And fall from grace
Grace, a charade
In the mind of man
Built to fool even him
If such is man, why shall one be judged
For it is built on fallacy

Eclipse

Stop these voices
They remind me of my conflict
Between me and what I have become
If the end of me shall arrive
It may not be on swift wings
Yet the fear is not of the end
It is the possibility of not dying
A survivor no longer fears death
His will is no longer overwhelmed by such niceties
He yearns for it, it is passion of being
Through all that is against it
Such is a writer
Relentless in his pursuits
Of creation
And all he seeks like me an end
Will this be or not is not a wonder
It is a choice
Of wanting to know neither
Only to wake up as dust
That disperses in the storm of life

run

Where shall one run
When one is guilty of the death of the self
The soul , plundered by one's own deeds
When the darkest fear of you overtakes
Explodes into one's face
Like a million suns
And yet refuses to burn the now dead shell
You seek a reason to blame
Yet all your reasons are your own
All you are shall no longer matter
For if it had , one shall not be in such a quandry
So at your worst, one seeks death
Yet death will elude
For one cannot die , untill one can forget one's deeds
For to die one has to let go
One doesn't, yet is a fight
An unfair one
Of forgiving the self,
Of accepting one's truth

Wild wandrer

If I wake up today
Let me know
That I can hold you close and feel your breath
As you sleep calm and gentle
And care for nothing of all around you

If you wake up look at me
Let me hold your face and stare
Gently into those mischievous eyes
And then kiss your sleep away

As you complain of wanting to sleep
Let me curl up to you and kiss
And whisper naughty things
And hold you closer

And as the bare skin touch
Let me burn
Of knowing that I have missed you
And this moment may not be permanent
But let it never end

As you leave turn back
Run to me, tell me you will be back
For I will be right here
Missing you deeper with ever step you take

Warp

If one should reach
Yet arrive before or after the foot was set
Would you be here or there
Yet would it matter or shall matter be the same
Is this duality
For the bent fabric is cast
Will I see both ends or both beginnings
If both are not shall it be a journey
Or shall time like a certain chesire cat
Say none of those matter
If both are, have I been there
A stop or a start signals a journey
A fade cannot

Walls

The walls one built will eventually shatter
Yet I lived amongst a barricade
A maze of walls, that kept me going
And then you just walked right through

I never questioned
Never have I ever
Yet , i know I have to rebuild
Only this time stronger and higher

While I may question the logic
Of being in love
I shall not, it serves no better than the conflict itself
Of unquenchable thirst and unbearable pain

The dead see the end of war
But love left me undead
yet in persisting longing
Only to hurt, only to burn

Such is the nature of the beast called love
All it does is destroy
I am on my road again
Gathering my wits

This road to love is a worthy test
On one end is loneliness
On another loneliness
Yet the walk is called for

The choices one makes do not matter
For one does not choose pain
Pain is the lovechild of such endeavours
And you can only cuddle it

Today I will build these walls again
And I know if you ever say the words they will shatter
But , the walls are my placebo
And the bonds of yours are your restraint

You

All that i know
Is nothing
And you are distant
And that is a constant
If this emptiness is my gift
It is from you
And I like always accept
But this absence is pain
If you arrive, and I know you will
Yet you will be away
In a world of your own
Where I do not exist
But like a child I reach out
To touch the sky
And realize
I am short, i will remain so
Yet my mind wants to run
Away to you
Yet I am tied to my own chains
The chains that hurt me
I could break these bonds
But I cannot, for you do not want me to
I cannot be free
For my prison will keep you happy

Some things are like a sonnet
Played on wind chimes on dark nights
When all is calm, in a gentle breeze
As we sit , my drink and I
What does my glass remember
Is it of those earlier times
Or is it staring back at me
Unsure , just like me
Liquid gold, froth and cold
As it tingles my senses from lips to throat
As if like me it lets go
And touches my very soul
If my glass should speak
What would it say
Would it smile and remind me
Of gentle times and beautiful company
Of some nights, of jarring music in May
In a club, at a wooden table somewhere
Far yet so near , smiles and conversation
When it had another company like I did
And all we have tonight is it and me

Drifted away

Drift , away from you
Lose the sight of shore
Aloft, no oars or will
To return
Yet in such lone trance
I admit to feeling nothing
Numb, or is my admittance my foolish pride
None of that shall ever be asked
For it ceased to matter
All i do is stare
Into the sky
Blue to red to black to orange
Some whites, some grey
Sometimes it rains
Sometimes it scorches
Is this the gift of feeling
I cannot feel, but I wish to, maybe do
In the facade of all this i laugh
Is that mockery , is it anguish
Maybe just laugh is all i can do
Yet often, you remind me
The stronger I grow, the weaker I will be
All it takes is a mere thought
All it does then is leave me in thoughts
Of some dim lights
Of some wine
And the intoxication has remained

Drift further

Enter this mind
Disturb its chaos
Rewrite it with your images
Let you be the chaos
Let me have no sanity
All that you can extort of my soul
Do
Yet leave it lit
I want to wander
Like a loon
Knowing my fall
Knowing my crumble
To feel the gentle touch
Of your thought
That seemingly destroys
The very me, the very nature of my existence
And walk away
And as you leave
Look into the void
Tell me is it the same
Or better not
Let me search for those answers
Spend a lifetime on it till i build back to ignore the questions
Then repeat
Let the end if me fall into a frenzy of its own possibility
Let it ask me if it is
Is it me or is that your essence
That transforms my finite
To infinity
Chaos yes
But beautiful and unending chaos
Hurt, yet soothing

Drift

Who wants to be
Where your longings lure
Yet I know I will wade on
Through all I made me
And I will stand
Not strong, not as who I have been
But as all I cannot be
Yet wish to
Like reaching out to a fading star
With little hands
Only to know its futility
Yet to not cry
For I lack the feeling or the strength
One as firm as the storm
Yet in all truths
the calm of your absence in its eye
Would I feel the same sans your absence
Maybe I would
I would not feel otherwise
Or otherwise I would not feel
Yet knowing it as unwise
I do
Maybe it is to be such
Or is it you run
Like I
We are both the same
You or I
Never 'and'
Yet maybe
Such wanton thoughts
Are the senile side
Of who seems like a void

Somethings pass

What are you
But a bird in a cage
Where do you fly
For you remain right there

And what shall you sing about
If not about your dreams
Yet these moments mean
Or maybe you seek so in them

Beneath the blue
As you sit and wait
You see the shadow of your cage
A strong one , omnipresent

One must fly
If one must
Of forsake the dream
For all a dream does is bring pain