this isn't just that
I have been reading the fading, it has been approaching closer, the horizon seems near
I attribute it to my world shrinking, a condition I call apathy to my self
And here I start to think, not how not why, but when
I wouldn't want it silent, peaceful, calm for those are the very states I have been afloat in
I seek a violent, slow, tormenting end
Mediocrity is not for me, and peace has become just that
Pain, is welcome, I have only laughed as intensely as the pain was. But this time I want dread too, a serving of dread would be nice.
I wasn't born in calm, nor could I live in it until I could earn my living
then came the barrage of choices, some I made, most I made a mistake of
no regrets, not for the choices, not for the cigarettes
So then, is the end what mocks me, or is it life, I wouldn't know
I wouldn't be able to attach a value to either, I have been me for long now
So, maybe the living will, maybe a DNR, maybe to get my affairs in order
Sooner... than later
The code isn't working as optimally as I have wanted it to either, I wanted it to, so that I could give it away free
At the end then, what have I got to show, and to whom anyway
I love the hills, the fog, winters
Maybe a sudden stop, on one of my journeys would be an exit
Maybe,
For now I wish, I have so many poems to delete
I have kept most promises, I have also lost a lot of my sleep
My soul is now frosted, It no longer earns its keep
Who knows really!
if the roads of my end and not , meet;
Who really does
Who could, not me, not you
yet....
