What will I find there?
Asked the husky voiced megalomaniac of a girl
What is out there ?
I looked back
A beautiful lady stood there 8 years from now
And said
You will, what you will
And what of you
Don't you seek?
She persisted
I smiled at her and waved into the hall
I found these
I sought these
So all good here.

DJ Mumbai

I hang by
beside cafe Mondegar
A touch away from Regal
One a place of friendship
The other too
It's noon,
The alley is loud
The crinkle of foil of the sandwichwala
The clunk of bracelets
The shimmer of anklets
The gleam of first copy glasses
Lovers glancing at each other
On their way
Stopping by the shops
For a bargain
Then there are those
Rushing
Right turn from here
A little ahead is Alps
Limited seating
A college canteenish minimalistic place
Behind the Taj and near the Sea
I am just trying to look calm
Smoking a cigarette,
Worried of a maama
Who are known to appear randomly
The traffic is scant today
Says one
Yes, only a few hundred cars every minute
Yes
Then i think maybe its 120
Each is a pulse
That synchs with the heart
Like a DJ spinning tracks
This DJ is a her
Mumbai, DJ Mumbai

Kerala

Where is your hair that brushes my face
In the gentle wind of a celing fan in the sunlit room
It spoils my sleep, tickles my face
Only to wake me up and make me watch you
As I am curled around you
Like a pepper vine on a coconut trunk
Maybe it is like Kerala
Where the heart is still
And you are stirring my soul
Floating into the ends of the universe
Timelessly .

A prayer of love

Tow me towards the harbour of faith
Can you my love
While the seas of my soul churn in dark waves
Incessant storms, crashing waves and eriee wails
They have pushed me away from the port,
I have no compass nor a map
Would you be the tiny tug boat
Drag me to dock
The waves lash furiously on my deck
I though seemingly a mighty freighter
Cannons and arrows abound
Have had no lessons in fear
Thus I am scared
These waters are like the soot of a dying flame
They mock me and crackle in devilish laughs
Yet if you tow me , as fearless as you are
You shall find me stopping your drift
As you fight through the foam and churn
I shall stand unstirred , with your lead
Tow me towards the harbour of faith
I want to watch you watch me dry my deck
Then set sail along
Into the beautiful orange hues
To the place where the sea merges with the sky.

Visions

Wherefore have I walked to
Sure is the end of the world
Or so it seems to be
For it is devoid
Of all I can even relate to
The human in me has died
Your embrace today was a resurrection
Yet your going was nothing short of a murder
By my own hands
Nothing by you
I as have always followed the universe
Let it yank me into existence
Bury me into oblivion
Yet feeding me life that seems nothing but auxiliary
And then I see your face in my eyes
Always there yet not mine
And I have no way to hold it back
If this is my torment so be it
For it does show me your presence randomly
Resurrecting me, killing me
in an endless cycle of pain and peace
I live for those glimpses
I exist for the torment .

Somedays it is just easy
Somedays things just cut loose
Other days it is nothing but a struggle
Pain follows the latter two
Like love
When easy , glazes the eyes
When rampant the heart is afraid
When restrained the heart begs
All I know is such is life
Like a bowel movement
Somedays easy
Other days not
Thank heavens for restrooms .

Stardust

And between you or me
Is it all not but stardust
Yet so distinct
Our selves so apart
Maybe to long for each other
In this separate existence
Hoping to be crushed to dust
To spawn a new star.

Wanderer

A fools such as me
Has wandered amongst the fields
Sat beneath the stars to endless nights
Sleep often overcame my arrogance
And yet what has found
The body was a shell that gazed
Traversed the mighty mountains and rivers
Only to recede back towards you
And then I saw you
Holding my soul
In your arms, keeping it warm
Awaiting my return
This shell
Only to now be embibed
With a soul you have found
Before me, of mine
Yet you believe I can compliment you

Until it has you

What is this 'you' love?
Nothing that I knew of?
My Worthless and unwarranted mind
Feels lost
For it tries to make sense
Where nothing like sense can
In Love
I beg to it let go
To flow into the stillness
Of calm that it has you
Until it has.

A call to Rumi

Love is but a gift
The one who brings it to your door
Forever can choose to absolve
But you the bearer can only accept or refuse
For if strength is to say
Stronger is to gift .

Valve

In my own mind
Where you or me cease
to exist as each
Let it no longer remain
Let my own will tear
such an abhorrence
Of wilfull wanton cravings asunder
Set it alight,
warming my cold heart
Let me be the antagonist
And antagonize you no further
For this is my Ravenholm
And this Halflife has no episodes
Only headcrabs and zombies
For the Gordon Freeman in me
To murder to survive.

Ref: halflife 2.
By valve studios

It is but a prayer my soul
Let me curl and sleep
As i bleed from the soul
Worthless and unwanted
Let me be, please let me be
You have enacted all you want
And as souls go, you feel nothing
Yet I have to live your outcomes
Be tormented and subjected to depravity
So while you relish and feast on your joys
Let me gather my wits and strength
For you to destroy it over again
Please allow me to withstand your hatred
For you hate me, and I cannot exist sans you
Yet you and me are distinct
You are of fun and momentary distractions
And I am of gluttony for punishment
Let me sleep tonight

Fallout

So "au revoir" my personal Chernobyl
Whilst I await the corium to burn through
Leach into my soul
As it poisons my life blood
Only one such as me could have let this come abound
Let it all out and some more
To tattoo you into my mind
A flash burn , of your image
Through my castle walls
In the metallic after taste
Where the walls of my heart
Burnt like graphite, glowing redder than blood
Fell back
Into the love and feelings
And worst mix with my fears and my own insecurity
Between the preplexes of knowing and not
Wanting and avoidance
Only to weave a cloud of dust
Cesium and all
Into a forest of deathly echoes
To be in torment
For tormenting you

Let me smell your hair
The gentle smell of your perfume
As you sweat
The salty gentle allure of your skin
Making my wild self tame
Like a wandering wolf in winter
Thirsty
Let it be quenched by your brow
As my hands feel your skin
I fear they may engulf me in flames
Of passion, mad wild fire
Like your thoughts burn my soul
In love and lust
And as you kiss
Let me dissolve
Into nothingness as you remake me
In the image of your darkest desires

Broken dreams and shards of glass
It is but a painful path
Where I seem to walk again
But I should not says my mind
But the mind is as daft
For to wilt and weep
Is a life too
Better than to be so cold
To breathe out fog and gather frost
I choose not torment
I choose neither to be lost
Yet i just float
Away from hinges that hold me strong
Into the storm of her voice
That warns me to hold back
I am a fool , as fools go
I drift along this broken path
When and if my world burns
I shall have none to blame for my plight
It shall only be me
As my embers fly into the starry night

I don't want to fall in love
For you shall not
And as the one sided knife shall cut through
It would pause and slow down
Severing each of my nerve
Like a thorn deeply lodged in my throat
You shall only gnaw
While with each breath i will hurt
Wishing for it to be my last
But then you shall arrive at the 11th hour
Make me want to breathe
As it hurts, you will breathe into me
And I a fool shall only oblige
For the walls of my fortress
Are broken through
While you may gather you and leave
I shall be the the one
Walking bare feet on my broken heart
Bleeding yet never cursing
Maybe it is a chance
For the universe to punish me
For I never did swim along it's tide
Forever against
As the sun has its last laugh
I shall curl into my haunches
Wait for the tormenting  moon to fade
You may bring forth a gentle breeze
But that may only hurt my wounds
And the rubied blood all around
Shall reflect you to taunt me further

Let the fingers trace your flaming skin
And pull you closer
As i hear your warm breath
Let it melt my frozen soul
And as it melts, let me stare
Into the storm of your eyes
As you lean in
Let me touch , trace the edges of those lips
Watch you close your eyes
When your breath deepens
Let me breathe you
While i hold you to me ,
folding you into the soul
Let me taste your lips,
Draw them and caress each with both of mine
As my tongue
Searches for each groove and curve
Taste your tongue , embrace it with mine
Running my hands pulling you closer
As i run out of breath
As you breathe into me

Futility

Embers
That fly into the night sky
That is all that seems to be breathing
For neither I nor me want to glow bright
As often, it is again
It is a transendence
Yet more retrogressive
I won't fret
For you are a vanishing horizon
As I believed to be
There were no wars
Yet this is a bleed
As such the mind , forever a battlefield
For only the dead know the end of war
The living just seek to slay

To be but vexed

Spinning lies and flamboyance
It is but a calculated ignorance
I chose to be in, or be pulled towards
To only be vexed
In the abysmal fakery of such pathos
Somewhere inside I woke and slept
Watched a dream where I dreamt me asleep
It is then I knew my folly
Wilful, resentful
My depravity and my decadence
I unlike forever took a leap
One of faith , one of fate
And in this tarnished mud bowl of a body
I am stilled
Peace, as I always imagined
Had reached out to me
And touched my soul

Apologies

At a distance
Time is but a blur
In isolation it is but a foe, often a friend
In the self imposed prison of my mind
Time ceases to exist
At these crossroads I often speak to you
The words mean nothing
In this century it is white noise, earlier banter
Yet, I do
Senselessly , yet I do
While on the other side
You are
There is nothing that seems logical in this
Yet you try to make some sense of it
Of all those kind minutes you gave
Were laid to waste by this arrogance slave
It is but a facade, a charade, nothing else
And an apology needs to be made
So let me offer a bouquet of such
One for the platitudes
One for the hours
One for the missed morning sunlights
One for the the rupture of your routines
And so I step down from such transgressions
And fly back to my solemn self

If I am to be Ulysses
Let the sails be carried
For the strongest of the winds
They do not faze me
But i bow to them gently
For they shall carry me to the shore
I on this endless ocean of possible wrecks and landings
Am nothing but a dependent
On a call and a fair wish
Of one I wish to sail towards
So come at me winds
Be fierce
Be wild
Howl like you shall rip my soul off my body
I shall stand at the deck
Watch the sails dance
Knowing you would draw me ashore

Why does it feel
When your look into the lens
There is so much more
That your lips don't say
Yet I can feel your thoughts pinning me down
I can be an escapist
A mollusc an annelid
Yet I seek to not slide away nor slither
I stay to hear your soul
Foolish , maybe
Yet I believe
I am where I am needed
At this instance
Until I am not needed

How, one can only wonder
When, is a matter to ponder
When the day is at an end
And the night is at its onset
If to only wait
For even if a glimpse
Perchance
To see her smile with those eyes
And watch her lips spin magic
In such cravings
I wait for the days to pass
Hoping for a chance encounter
Wishing , only if would be sooner than now
But until the universe chooses
I shall have to stand by

It wasn't to you
That I had called out to
It was me,
unlike to you , I often speak to me
For I am all and mad
Yet I am my own company
No frills, no facade
No pleasing no sugary words
No flowers or candy
No chocolate nor brandy
I always see me waiting
To hold me and speak to me
With you, I have to be someone
With me I can be me
Of all the universe's best possibilities
I relish finding me

Reuse
Assimilate, reimage, reshape
A generation unto another
Assembling their dreams and thoughts
Into sons and daughters
Some good at it, many terrible
Only to be ash
And for the cycle to
Some unable, some not wanting to
Yet most still contribute
As a guide
A dictator
A leader
A companion
Like a parent
Parenting

Gumboots

Splash
Into the puddle
Little gumboots
Pink , bubblegum coloured
In a split second
Coated with asphalt and ruby red
Smeared across the fender
A strip of her pretty lace flutters in the wind
A moment of loudness
Followed by silence and screeches, burning brake pads
Reddened themselves as the pads grind the discs to a halt
Her mouth smells of booze
An all nighter of fun
Now as her soberiety kicks in
She picks up the bubblegum boots from the puddle
Reclining against the reddened tyres
Letting out a wail
Without a voice
While her shirt merges with the redness of the tyres
The same that runs deep
in her own veins too

Can we not cross this river? Asks the kid
Hold on tight,
in the moonlight, the other shore is not visible
Hop on my back son
Hold me as we swim
They swim into the river
As the splashes distort the gentle moon
They vanish midway
Morning appears
The river is as calm
Evening falls
The son asks again
Can we not cross the river father?
Hop on my back, hold tighter this time
They swim again
They vanish again
Morning appears
Then the evening falls
They say the father and son keep on trying
As they did those many years ago
Across this very river
Then a raging one, flooded in all its wrath
Since then the river has calmed
As if to let them pass
Yet they never can
For they never did
So every evening they try
Tonight again one can hear
Those words echo
Can we NOT cross this river father?
The wish was to not.
For the fear was too real
Both souls unknown of each others demise
Still try to negotiate

Susceptible to root rot
When one stands on grounds
Often of a bog
Where old dead often surface
Only to invoke curiosity
Yet you can just stand
Amongst the peat
And the slush and slime
Forever lost
Irrelevantly, for being new
A species of a tree hardly relevant
For I am just another
Like many before
Irrelevant , regardless
Undisturbed

You

Some days I miss you
For the air is still
Undisturbed by your vehement annoyances
Yet so welcome
Some days you drive me to the point of psychosis
Just by your impossible nature
Challenging me, burning and curdling my  blood
Yet those are the days I feel alive
In your absence the the blood freezes
My brain suffocates for a reprieve
Wanting to be disturbed
Wanting to breathe
Such is your presence my love
Unnerving, nerve wracking , yet one that livens
Towards an otherwise disconnected soul
You are my paradox
From my search for calm
Yet happily so
So eagerly as such
You make me believe I am alive
As I cuddle up to your sleepy form
I smell your hair
It is but my own childish form
My own soul , brought into being
By a universe that silently chuckles
Of having triumphed over my arrogance

Into stardust

Stand still
Look beyond your point of view
Are those stars as they seem
Some dead long ago
In this vastness all that they are is light
Once passed , only to be a darkness
Some where lost as I am
Like your love for me
That has basked me , only to have faded
For as the observer believes its existence
You wanted it to be
Yet knowing it was all but a passing
Though between you and me
Do either exist anymore
We are stardust , all of us
While you hold on to the admirable socialistic dogma
I have been scattered
As I should have been
Into what may someday be a burning ember of a star
But know that, if you must
I would burn just as bright
Like every other
Past the red shift
Past the collapse
Of the red dwarf
To be one with the universe
As its entropy ends in chaos
As it has now, in a chain of permanence
So shall your dogmas and conservative thought

Rustling leaves

In her yard
She rakes the leaves, sun dried, crispy, browned
It's summer
So she knows, from her yard covered by these
Yet she yearns for the spring
Which has passed
Often she stops, looks around to answer a calling
It's her name she hears
Yet unsure if it's her ears or years
Yet she does turn
I as always sit at the gate
Atop, in a hazy form , watching
As she turns around seeing no one
For the gone never call
Yet they may, but maybe they don't seem as audible, or at all
Maybe the heart has ears to a soul
Its dusk
The sun has reddened the skies
I sit regardless at the gate
Watch her go about her chores
Her wrinkly hands, putting things into place
And her beautiful greys
Flying in the evening wind
I would have floated along the breeze
Yet how impossible it is for a ghost to feel
So maybe the only solace is to sit
Watch her turn the lights out late night
Falling asleep .

Somedays are odd, leaving me hungry
Like all other days
When her kiss and touch is not just missed
It leaves a void, crushing and destructive
One may say it is painful to miss someone
I proclaim it is sacrilege
For this flesh longs to be touched
And this skin wants to so
Yet it has no choice but wait
While the wait, is but a futile attempt
Of self convincing
Of false belief
She so far feels left alone
Yet she like me longs
Between us, between the reason or rhyme
Neither less than stubborn
Yet succumb to what is
What should or may be
Her , as always unsure
Me the 'what may come'
Is but a predicament of this
Some days are lost some forgotten
Some spent in bickering and annoyances
Such is how it is
Yet at the end like a smoke filled room
A hookah bar

Nothing but those last embers
As it dies out
The cold waiting to engulf
And I am just as willing
To freeze my bones
See my soul cold as steel
Like my will to amidst such defeat
Willingly for lack of choices
Neither will budge
And I never had an option to
For Mine was never a placebo
Nor was if anything but clinical
Let my scattering be
I Know nor you or me are joyous
Yet I wish you were for it would have fueled mine
Yet regardless
Lets walk
Away, a perfect jigsaw that fit
Yet ripped apart
For reasons best kept to us
And a farewell from either and both
For it is fair
And just and needed

Sometimes warmer, most times calm
Somedays a raging storm
Such are the phases of my being
As colourful and mad as you
Yet in this chaotic ecstacy
You seem to have drifter away
I may not know by words nor by voice
But the heart seems so lost of you
Is this just absence
I have felt that before, that hurts
Is this your anger? it sort of hurts too, so I know
For this time neither of those feel like either
I just feel numb
A wretched broken pot
Of ordinary clay
That loves the wish of holding something again.

Endings and a frail wake

What could I express
For I , in all my drudgery and hurt
Have nothing but pain and apathy
A gift by your presence
Willful hurt and your presence just emasculates
All I have to show is a pretty song and a few words
Such is the plight of those I see
And their songs are like a Georgian chant
Echoing in the choir
Underneath frescos of love and bullshit
Faux Pas , yes so much so

How should one dream
When the dream is forever riddled with hurt
A curse , maybe; a gift! Who knows
None for me to ponder upon
For the barley and hops drench my soul
A dash of whisky, or a soulful ounce of vodka
Either helps
Numb, for you rather have me numb
Better numb than seething with rage
Of a hundred trespasses you relish
Wilful hurt, yes, wilful, couldn't be otherwise
Could it?

So is the song the loners sing
And as I join this disdain chorus, so innately inane
Yet as a fool's errand I tug
Knowing this like all else shall be dust
For these dreams I have are unspoken
They cannot be for your hurt are its precursor
Yet you often ask why I won't share
Did you introspect?
Yes did ye?

None as such shall corner me
For the ship has sailed forlorn
Launched by ye Helen,
Ye who hath launched a thousand such ships
This is not Troy, and there shalt be no horse
Wooden with sneak for I shalt just bide
My time and wait forth for the love to subside
It does, hasn't it for you?
It has has it not!

I wonder, yes I can
And you wouldn't care for you see none
For you are blinded by prejudice
Of broken bridges and shattered dreams
Like mine yours
Yet mine were not ulterior
They were yours
Let me dust this enclosure of clay
That holds my soul, for it is time to realize
I will be gone soon,
And all that remains shalt be
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Pointlessness
And all it is
Is but a yearn, in solitude
In journeys of solo, in moments of thought
Deep, pertinent, persistent
Yet just irrelevant at its actual frame
Where has the fabled magic gone
Where is the current celestial connection
As a dried out farmland, or a broken caboose
Yet pretty and picture perfect
Neither matters
For it could have
Why men rape, why wives annoy
Why me, why and what for
Yet these are not of the pondering
Yet are a facade of the want of lone
For a solo retains its beat
In an accompaniment it just recedes
Losing more than self
Wanting more than no less of the self
Yet in a transient permanence
Some random ramblings are a muse
Some are nothing or worse
Yet audible, detestable or otherwise
Who cares
A solo is as is
The sheer forces of influence
Are always a faux pas
Yet the role play
Is nothing less than of class
Be in, or go
Is all they seek
Yet a solo is just so sweet
No matches, no coping
No riveting no revolt
In its sole
Whole
Even more
A soloist can hear the music of his
Pure bliss
Yet unacceptable to most
As if there was a request to be accepted
I am, the longest of sentences
I will be the shortest
No dogmas, no doctrine
Only latent heat
And permanence of cold
A solo is just solid gold
Ask a question, or a million
Yet the answers are never
For I
For I
For I
Lie down, hear the gurgle of the stream flow
In an uninterrupted conversation
Like Sol, juno, Europa, ceres
Surrounded, surrounding
But for I , just for I

Riverside

A broken kite shall not fly
Unless the strongest of the winds blow
Yet, it flies frigid, morbid, a stark memory
Of it's former glory
Thrust into a lateral plane
Wayward, irrelevant, and a sight for an eye to go sore
It is still a kite, only formerly and to those who knew it
Such is the apathy of ones in love
For love is like a sudden gust of wind
Only to fade and eject the soul
Into boundless drudgery
Of cataclysmic proportions
Yet on the outside, the soul seems to not seem so
I know the rivers of such
For my raft has sunk in the same
Too often than not
And now I walk by the banks
Of said river, sans the drench
For I have no inclination
For love is what I have known to be
A mere figment of a delusional mind

Gentle , the night is bitter
The words are worse than hemlock
Yet you share
Even when you needn't
Subtle
The absence, yet so much worse than a nail
Inching into my fingers
Quite is such
Such is your absence
Spelt in debauchery
Worse than chaos, for it spawns order
Your not being around is far more
Yet I pass by
The very image of what I know
In sheer acceptance
Ridiculed by the soul
Of you being long gone
Or going away
Even post my prophylaxis
Your attributes dawn on
As if to torment
Gnaw at my heels
In your sense of privity
Or my sense of depravity
Neither mattered
For neither would have
Neither should I fathom
For you or your essence is erased by you
With turpentine
Dissolved
The colours bleached in an oxymoronic elegance

Rifted

Between you and me
Either strong, maybe stronger
Yet you evade
As you always have
And here I am seeking nothing but your words
And you have enough reasons
Some valid some not
Some quantifiable some inane
But it won't matter, for they don't to you
So shouldn't to me
Right?
Yes, for you won't know
For you know only you

When you are the metaphor for a season
I choose to be my own winter
For it is not as cold as it can get
In your whim and or fancy
Some day you dawn, most days you have been dusk
Yet I have remained as noon
Stark, rigid and burning
your comfort, I seek
Not mine, your's for you matter
Yet I know better and I let go often
For you seem to seek me in loneliness
The other times am nothing less than a pariah
Yet to me you will remain
Always warmly wanted and welcomed

Harpies singing songs of gay
Sweet banshees sing like jazz by the bay
And the sun freezes the ponds and lakes
As the moon lit nights scorch the earth
The fish sits tired post the long walk
And the star is just a mildew speck
The gentle touch of nettle like silk
Abrasive roses are droopy at sleep
The ears see a gentle mist
The eyes hear nothing ahead
The water flowing uphill gently
As the stone falls into the blue skies
These are but how I see things
For these are not how anyone can
So in my unsettled mind
I hear nothing of wonder now.

A gentle splash of rain
More of acrid, less of sane
Between the entangled remenants
Swishy winds and morbid pain
Empty glasses, no sunset nor ice
Nor is the clatter of bratty voices
No echoes, no shadows
No light, no darkness
Yet so much, in such little space
Time in its apace
Age just a milestone on a bleeding heel

Sleep

Where is the solace
When the strings of absolution tugs
Between the obvious and being oblivious
Was a place of peace and calm
Subtracted from realism
Into a surrealistic escape
Only to be constantly awakened by dreams of harrow
Of uncalled thoughts
Long lost etches
Are suddenly prevalent
They may have been but was easily overlooked
Yet now brought to clear
Painted by darkness of sustained fear
Where were you
Where you are now, maybe I was
Maybe I would not be
Sometimes the mind wanders on the wondering
While the time escapes like a shadow in light.
Dawn, hell maybe it is dusk
Either matters not
For nor does daylight nor star lit skies
Maybe it will all be a dreaded dream
And I will wake up in cold sweat.

Degrading

In a valiant bubble
She is sold an idea of matrimony
Imposed a prison of pseudo choices
Brainwashed into motherhood
All she needs is a man
For her life is but a waste
All she should do is look good
And get a man to fall for her
She had dreams that were drained away
She sold her will to be a second fiddle
As an auxillary
As a tag along
For she has not real dreams
Nor a life worth living
All she is is a waste
She is but a girl
Who shall grow up to be a wife
A woman only in sexuality
Mostly frigid or untended to
She is a forced mother
For the ideas of such are deemed defining
She is a puppet, or so she has to be
Yet she raises her daughters the same
For she will never be free
Not because she cannot
But cos she is lazy
She is just a woman
A toy of her own choices
To be picked up by a man

Loner

Often we seek company
Yet at most we are better off alone
For the mind does not like to be tuned
To be set like to a radio station
There could be music on, or news
Yet neither is enough to sustain the mind
Such is our mind
We all seek an escape too often
Yet are bound to unwanted mandates
Policies and processes
Like a ball and chain
Such is what continued company spawns
And so the mind seeks to escape
Those who give in to such wilt and wither
Those who don't wouldn't
Once in a while a group may help
Bring forth our so called social need
Yet in prolonged company one must start to adhere
The mind is not one that really likes the checks and balances
It wants to soar the skies
Walk on the sea, brush the rim of the highest wave
Arise out of the entrapment , is its search
From some fool who mandated company

That snowy Evening

Was that ye Sir Robert
Who had stopped by my woods that snowy evening
I thought you sought solace sir
A lone rider stopping by the unknown woods
I for one was in such thoughts
As your gentle steed came to a halt
I should have been a better host
With some hot tea for ye, some oats for the horse
I was lost in sorrow kind sir
In a morbid conflagration of loneliness
And as you rode away in the snow
I saw the last opportunity to relate fade
The woods are indeed dark and deep
Yet our promises are too hard to keep
Unlike the easy wind and downy snow flakes
The miles I have crossed
Have cost me sleep

Not to sound too desperate
Yet somehow I would like to see you right now
For in a million blinks, I have never stared blank
Maybe your absence is an obvious
Yet I can't make sense of it at all
I have known and understood
Stories of war and loss, of pain and misery
Yet nothing stuck, nor struck
But here I am, clueless and belligerent
In a shameful disconnect
Wanting to have ended, walking down the empty roads
As you sped off into the distance
Your presence was brief, yet it was profound
Depravity or disdain are incomplete to express
"Neither of which matters"
Neither of which matters to me either
In my swirl of errors, forgetfulness, longing and love
Wishing to be held at least a week in love sans pain
How can I be, I have an acumen
To fail, over and over again

Am right at home
beneath the black sky
It is beautiful
Like my soul
Yet , it has nothing
Nothing to show
No price, no value
And all it is, is
Yet it trudges along
Drags me through Styx
Only to wave to the ferryman
No coins to ride
Who would have cared, someone had once
Now those sands have blown away
In a passing
So when it ceases to matter
It will
And all I have is me
Curtailed by broken dreams
Of love and longing
This day is one
And it shall not pass

There is so much to be
Yet in your absence, there is nothing but sorrow
For one such as me
Steadfast and headstrong
Unable to weep at
Some days are better
I can feel the hurt of longing
Other days I feel numb
For the torment is unending
If I could ever gather my own self
I shall hurl it your way
To break like a ming vase
Hurled into a million directions.

The know of your sadness
Stirs up an expanse of torment
While being the cause and effect
Being in utter disarray to remedy
Who shall deliver us either
Neither can your love turn to hatred
Vengeful, powerful and as such easy to overcome
Unlike love, that we both suffer from
As all it can bring , it has brought forth
Pain and wanton suffering
Incurably sharp tones
Of shades the mind cannot even dare to glimpse
Let alone be tainted or painted with
But here we both are
You waiting for my return
I standing where I mustn't be
But as the earth and the sun
Both locked to each other
Or as the mortal musician singing her songs
While the Idol just watches her in helplessness

Darling Airtel

You sell nothing but garbage
In the name of your network
Most of us know, you are just a fake
Now that we are stuck
And your network never sticks
We lose our people often
And our navigation loses its way
All you sell us is lies
All you are is a liar
You gave us GBs of data
That we cannot download at all
When in an argument you drop our lines
And we lose a relationship
When in an emergency
Your network leaves cold and dry
You are nothing but a fake
You are nothing less than garbage
I await my 6 months to pass
To port my number somewhere.

Between the walls of my prison
And the boundaries of my freedom
I ache for you; the third way of uncertainly
The one to the left seeks to take away
What the one on the right wants to keep
Yet the take away wants to play no part
Only be there, not taken
For there is where he has been
Had it been for a whiff of life and love
I would shift left or right
Yet I am drawn to you
Who has no tug at me
Like a floating leaf on an endless ocean
Drawn to you by the undercurrents
One has love the other has too
Yet neither can contain
For the fear I feel that both may turn
Become just the same
So I call out yonder, without a sound or gesture
Knowing you feel as I have always
Yet in both of our tight lipped silent greetings
We have known
How deep the need of to be vehemently wanted is.
Should this tug of war subside
Ending in both or none
I have no desire, to pick up the spoils of this war
For this war has bled me
As the rest of life has, you are no stranger to this
Release me.

I await

As you sat beside me, time had paused
What was a few moments of silence between you and me
Was a million years for this creation
Yet, I selfishly did stop time
For in your love an entirety for divinity could pass
And me the very
Would forget my reasons
As I walked away, I wanted to hear you call my name
Though I made you promise to not call me then
I wish you had broken it, I could have heard you once again
As I walked through the dusty roads
The clouds cried at your sadness
Yet even they paled and stopped for being unable to compare
As my tears turned the road into clay
I have ever since died
Yet in all my presence and pretence, you can see otherwise
I have breathed knowing you long for me
As your life blood has kept me on earth
Knowing I could be with you, but needing to not be
I wait, for you to cover the distance
Pass this birth of man, merge into me
Only then shall I be call complete.

Where forth have you gone

When you sat beside me, and I rested my head on your chest
You offered me no consolation, but a gift of distance
A distance so wide that even my soul would tire treading
Yet I know this light of my soul is but a breath of you
As you walked away from me, you did not turn around
Knowing it could hurt me more
Yet I so wish you had for that would have been another glimpse
Of a face these eyes have seen and wish to see nothing but
I have dissolved the dust in each footprint
Smeared it to my body, drank it
To be one with you, in my uncontrollable sadness
Yet you have not sent a word, nor appeared
I am bound to this air you have exhaled
Whilst you had held me close in an armours embrace
My eyes have burnt its vision staring down the road you walked
And for your longing is an endless torment
Yet you have never sent a word, and knowingly so
Where shall I end and how can I end
For I have died every breath, and the hope of a chance meeting
Keeps me breathing
Knowing this is a folly, but to be wilfully fooled
This absence of you, has even made pain cry for its deliverance from hurting me.

A few million steps
That is all it is now, fore was a few though
Yet from what it was to is
An eon has passed
By, yes
Two of me
Reluctant and for
Lost to such a long conflict
And the war is over
Unsubscribed,
Yet with bloodied hands
The reluctant died
The for, wanders
Wide eyed
Blind and with blinders
Yet in a seek

Date night

The gentle moon light
Shimmering, glowing as a soul escaping
The metal black bird
As she breathes her last
We stand surrounded
Each hand, playing a wailing banshee
Which may merge me with lead
I wouldn't know
There is one I know the allure
Fearful, but inescapable
As the dust spawned by her gentle steel blades settles
it is red beneath my feet
I have seen many moon reflect
Yet in this puddle
Of my own ruby pool
It seems to look as flawless
Spotless, serene, kind, gentle
I fall to my knees, resting my back to her
The gentle bird behind is ready now
So am I
She and I ready to be embers
In this final night out
Of a warm winter night
I close my eyes

If the mirror doesn't moisten
I shall be glad
For that would mean I am away forever
Beyond the torment
Beyond the reach
Of mortal feelings and morbid craving
When the fingers don't curl
Where the eyes don't blink
In Dante's imagination
Home, as I would call it
For I have lived in one
In your absence
Or maybe in your existing absence
Who would know
I would, but who would I be
For neither in life nor in its absence
Shall I be
In your company
Fitting, ah Poetic Justice
To sleep in the boughs of oblivion

Flowering dreams

In my myriad thoughts
Often of just knowing
If you remember my name
I would wish for more
Yet, it is far fetched
For my destiny is to be
In my own company
But as a human
I still seem to long
For not much as most do
But as little as a sunflower does
Face the sun as it rises
Wither away at some point
Following
Though to the sun, it is but routine
Yet I seek an acknowledgement
Knowing it shall be nothing
Nothing more than a psychedelic dream
But the sunlight has 7
I have only 4
With that thought I rest
Shackled to my own
In absence, forlorn
Scattered to winds.

I dream of a day
Of your surrender
When you shall see none
Only me, surrounding your eyes
As you stare into me
I shall just close mine
Feel your eyes glance my eye lids
Gracing them with your sight
Your gaze fades my darkest storms
Your touch heals my deepest hurt
I wish I could be the same for you
Beyond all I know
Beyond all I see
I see nothing but you
And I see me waiting for you to reach out
If you ever would, I would explode
Like a star at it end of its final wait
Into colours and light
Beyond wonder beyond known
Like your kiss makes me feel
Moulded into perfection
Moulded to you

I am used to being in the rain
I seek no shelter , for i have none
I have no umbrella or a plank
There is no tree, where I stand
It is barren,
Yet the rain brings me no comfort
For i am always the one left out in it
And the rain like a million needles
Pierce my soul
Where I stand even the puddles don't form
The ground refuses to enrich what is beneath my feet
All I have is given
Yet nothing, not even a leaf to shelter me
And if not now, tomorrow then
Just like them all, when you may fade
I would still be there in the rain
Still,
Waiting for nothing
For nothing is all I have

A quick try at Janaki Vs Anjaneya.
Feel free to poke at it, constructive or destructive feedback welcome.

--------------

Anjaneya
You speak of wisdom yet you are a mere monkey
Yet you are so called the epitome of love
Beyond what even I would be called
You chew at the pearls gifted
You run amok in the gardens
You have swallowed the sun
Yet you seek to outmatch me?

Maata I wouldn't even think
Nor would even try
For you are his own extension
Yet all I am is a monkey by instinct
You, a human, sentient, beautiful

He would cross the sea for you
He has not crossed the door for me
He has spoken , while the world heard
Yet he never put me above any
Neither I deserve, nor do I demand
For you are all he would desire
I am just a mere monkey

Anjaneya, you speak so
Yet I feel so insignificant
You who soared the skies, burned a kingdom
Only to ask if I was well
Why is it so that he loves you more?
And why is it that you answer to his name?
Why is it my name stands for me?
Yet you are addressed as his before me?

Maate, I serve him, I serve you
I do not see beyond his very presence
As I rip open my chest witness
You stand next to him, sans I
For I am but a mere monkey
Who cannot even dare to match
And I shall blindly follow
Where you order me to fly

At this the sky trembled
A great voice was heard
Anjenaya, you are my breath, she is my consort
Today I speak beyond my silence
Let it be known to those who ask
Anjaneya and Janaki are beyond compare
For Anjaneya was the eyes I saw through
When Janaki who is my vision was stolen.

Insurmountable

You seem calm
Yet the very storm in your soul rages
Out to rip apart the very fabric of emotion
Rewrite it in your own image
Should you chance upon love
They wouldn't know
They see just flowers, sunsets holding hands, and faux words
Unlike them I see your extent
The method in your madness
The chaos you can unleash, on such text book lovers
Why do you feel left out
It is not by choice you are
Nor are you left behind
The failings are utterly theirs
Just foolish incompetence
Like a wayward drunk, staggering to his bed
Only to fall asleep, drunk, not intoxicated
Your lunacy of love is like the infinity
Unfathomable, unsurmountable
And they are mere mortals
Breathe, see them beg for love and talk of such
Yet see them choke
At the very touch of your love.

When one as such as you
Shall peep through the shattered windows
Of my heart, a ransacked ruin
The light that you block, casts gentle shadows
It is the shade
Of your form
That when cast, brings forth a gentleness
For otherwise, even moon light scorches
Gently as you touch the walls
Now of stone, they weren't so once, they become sheets of satin
As you tred past them deeper into my soul
The floors of the ruin feel paved, of smoothed cobblestones
When you looked at this dilapidated heart
It was blue, cold and deadened by hemlock
And as you touched it, you redden it, making it rage, race, fly
My heart once flew towards love,
Burning my wings
And this time sensing my flightless will
You love, has come to me
I couldn't ever be the Phoenix
for love at best had only invoked great fear and hurt
Yet you love, never gave up
You reach back to me
As my Mason and my carpenter
To build back , to breathe into my soul

Calm

She looks into my eyes
Towering, crouched like a tree
She like the fragrant clay, covering me
As I lie, a long fallen tree
In her deepest reaches
She has engulfed all that is me
Mind, body, soul and bearing
I see myself throughout her expanse
And as she holds my shoulders
I hear her voice, an echo like a nova
Silent, in space yet musically aloud in vision
As her warmth comforts me
I feel me melt into stardust

Far but never gone

When you should have reached out
You stepped aside
When I have walked forward
You are left behind
Though in my mind
But not in my stride
And such is love
Once rejected
Forever gone
You reach out
And I still hold your hands
Yet even now
My eyes still brighten
At your very sight, my ears drown in joy
Though my heart knows
I have walked by
Beyond, walked far on

Desire

In a gentle tug
As she lays cuddled, her hair covers my face
In the dark night
The moon light makes her eyes sparkle
My lips yearn to taste the honey
Of her gentle hungry kiss
As her fingers burrow through my hair
As my tongue seeks to taste her skin
Of her nape and shoulders
I see her look back and smile gentle
Shy, yet fierce
Cuddly yet vicious
As her skin brushes against mine
In the bare embrace
I just wish to stop the time

Hunger

In her hungry tugs
And warm embrace
There is nothing more than the infinite space
Yet so close
Like a mind on a sensual chase
As her warm skin touches my bearded face
Her belly button shudders in a violent phase
As I taste her gentle scent
She lets out a gentle sigh
Her voice filling the innards of the mind
Awakens rabid lust yet in a soothing phase
And her face shies into a satin pillow
Clenching her fists on velvet sheets
When her wildness overtakes
Her hunger is wide awake
Yet in subtle hues
Like a winter warm morning
I feel her lips on my face
She may be here beside
So do I seem to be
But neither of us really are
We are just two comets lost in space
Whirling into each
Entwined
In all that a feminity has to offer
And her union with the masculine
I hear her calling my name
In lustful gasps of utter grace

Brewing the storm

Whistling winds
And the chattering rain
Falling on leaves
its a storm again
The candle lights dazzle
Indoors, on your skin
The smell of the earth,
Along with your scent, nullifies my grip of control
As I kiss your warm mouth
Making our lips one
I feel you engulf me
Holding me in deeper
In our toil of wanton mad love making
You shower in on me
Shudder and call my name

Waiting to fly

The gentle hum
Of the electronic chimes
Signal the end of my night
And another day has arrived
Yet what for
I have not asked for this one to pass
Yet it has
And how
Each day is another step
A way that leads to further distance
From her
And it seems no less than it was yesterday
Yet enough for one to know
This is how it seems
And only grows
Building a void
Deeper than it was
Yet the void has a calling
Of me wanting to fall
And fall I could
If not for being on the ledge of sanity
Yet is the sanity worth
Some days are so
It seems
Most days, even further profound
Then again why lament
What I seek is beyond

Chance meetings

His feelings gave away
His body filled with intent
His mind in a torrent of desire
At the sight of his amorous one
She willed, as he did
And the arrival of him into her circle was swift
Yet gentle
Was the instance a pure mix
Of just flesh as most seem to state
In their foolish prejudiced minds
Was not
As she watched the sky turn from a deep grey to gentle orange
She could hear the birds
And there they were in a mix of flesh and feel
In alternatives of swift and meandering
As his very essence mixed with hers
She held him closer than ever
Smiled in the best one ever
Whispering of being a woman to a man
Both had hardly met
And this was the first meeting
Both walked together and kissed then parted
Promising to treasure the day forever

Falling to the abysmal fakery

In her stillness
His heart wondered
Where had her lust faded
Or if she did have ever
Yet
Post her bearing the fruit of their love
She had nothing but loathing
Of his advances
With her denials
Some proclaimed to her, tis but a skill
Now she knows better
Her indoctrination to motherhood
Just the will of the patriarch
Where she no longer was
The very sun that set the sky ablaze
As she conquered mountains
Yet here frigid she lay
Is she nothing but clay
Moulded into what society sought
Thought
Despised of her
Yet she caved in
And he has never been so alone
And as such is the plight of matrimony
Unspoken at large
Yet truest as it mostly is

Your boredom could be of gentler hues
But even then again, could it?
You the shimmer of star light
On the ice floor of my soul
What could I have done to not
Be better to spike your attention
To me, only me, always me
Tis but a failing me trying
You the wonder
And as I wonder
I so miniscule before your towering
And I flinch
Seek my stupidity
And try to pretend to be grand
It will be enough, I know, I fear
For you shalt fare and find better
And when such a moment arrives
I shall be as worthless as dust
Flying off an old book shelf

If one should show one's void
One should know
The void is just
The void is permanence
None can ever fill
Though they may say
In love one should know
One who loves won't be loved
Neither the intensity
Not the mere acceptance
All it will be is a moment
For else, not for the one to love
So if you seek to love
Know
One shall feel lost
And lost is just the void
One sought to fill
Only to drift deeper into it
And all that ever shall be
If your emptiness and thee
Never found in real
Only found as per whim and fancy
No peace

Shiva

With you hair like a million tornadoes
And your eyes that ate my arrogance
A witness to such grandeur
I as a mere demon cannot comprehend
I wise,  learned, revered
Bend on my knees with my head bowed
For you have a face my eyes cannot contain
The sheer knowing of your presence
Amongst the mighty peaks
Is to witness you
The mere thought of imagining it
Is beyond my comprehension
Yet as you stand on your feet
I wish it were on my forehead
Unworthy, yet in the craving of your touch
That shall render me beyond the brightest of any light
So as I stand here afar
Let me witness
You with your consort
Whose name I cannot dare to take
And let me bow
And write hymns of thee

Glee and taunts

When the hollowness
Finds the void
Both merge the soul
Spin it to a frenzy
Only to thaw a frozen illusion
Of love and care
Neither of which is real as said
Neither win
All that they render
Is a picture of gloom
Yet in such a gloomy sky
I look at the sky
Instead I see a moon
Smiling back
It is but a taunt
I think
Yet I rather stand and admire
For Meera would have
Even if the blue boy was mocking

Only if you were real
Like your thoughts seem to be
And all that could
Seem to have evaded my memories
Barring you
And your youthful touch

Hold me in your arms
Let the dew dry
And the flowers wilt
The trees , let them die

I long for your kiss

But is that such a wandering!
Must be , maybe not as much
In and amongst the fog
the brook and the howling valleys

I remember
Like yesterday
Like a vagabond, have I searched
And when i found
I found
What i found, was not as you
As you were

Yet your strawberry lips
Call me,
Remind me of the sweetness of your kiss
Of your caress
And your eye lashes on mine

Stillness
Dark, yet bright like a thousand suns
When it shall be compared to my heart
Would you be here?
Hidden
Amongst the infinite

All along the sandy shore
Where you and the waves lash
Or not, in the crimson dome

I miss the sweet taste of your skin
Like a million sparkles of tangerine
And those eyes
Calling me
Alluring me, to breach my advocacy

Of right and wrong that you compell me to evade
Only to mock
Yet i follow
Persist
In thoughts of you
Some pure some pure lust
Of longing and lone

What shall you choose
My heart or my soul
The heart you froze
The soul you made me sell
To the devil for a glimpse of you

I am Consumed
In your wanton lust and longing
Ridiculed by my own
One and all, yet i stray to you

Only , to know
Blue is another
So is red
Yellow and orange are persistent
And await to die

Feel

Let me describe your voice
Maybe I cannot
It feels like a call to a million thoughts
All at once
Only pleasant ones
Yet the thoughts stop sudden
As we go about our bits
And all I am left with
Is a loud silence and emptiness
Yet knowing this distance
If all but wanted
It is the first of many journeys
Which you will need to undertake
If my voice reaches you; know
I ask not to be missed
I want you to see me
Sitting at a corner , watching you
As does your thoughts
They do unto me
And knowing neither of us are alone
Not devoid of our love
Makes me
Makes you
Makes us.

Burn with rage

Let anger light your path
Burn fierce and brighten
Lead you through your quest
Let it not burn your soul
For the strongest of the forces
That life has given you is in rage
It is nothing short of proof
Proof of your passion
When what you seek is not met
It shows you the road
To wanton destruction
And towards reach
Pay heed to the latter
For the first is a crowded road
Kings and men have strayed into the first
Few have walked down the other
Those who have reached know
Anger is your greatest ally
Go with rage, go with fire
Light the world
When you reach , look back
Look upon, look deep
Smile and forgive
First yourself, then others.

Down the road

in the subtle glow
of the rainy sun
let me recount, seeing you
and as we walked down the road
amidst the crowd
did you see me, watching you
as i folded your umbrella
did you not see me struggle to wrap it
and did you see my gift of gab vanish
as your laughter soothed my running soul
maybe , maybe not
yet , in such rainy days
i remember writing your names
on a window pane, moistened by the rain

Why would it matter
When my mention of a name hurts you
When you were in the arms
Of another, ignoring me
Yet when I reached out to you
You told me I am your all
And when I never let anyone else close
You brush it away with disregard
When he stole a kiss
It was mine that he stole
When you stole my soul
It was mine that you stole
Yet when I stand
Amidst this storm of sadness
Of your longing
You ask me why I mentioned a name
A name that doesn't even register
And you disposed off my day
A day spent in the agony , of your missing voice

Trainers

After those long hours in wake
When the eyelids want to embrace
The mind has questions
The heart has no answers
Hours spent in a desperate push
To help some do better than others
Yet within it seems empty
A shell of their former self
So many dreams that have faded
Shunt, destroyed yet helping others reach
And a vacation is spent in an agony
For all their dreams are long dead
The class rooms, their mecca
The markers their voice
The souls that come and go
Are but a metaphor
Of their pipe dream.

Matter and state

As each bit of you dances in a wave
Let each bit of mine
Let the distance be a universe
Let my love and yours be our quantum entanglement
Divided by distance
Yet in synchrony to all changes
Where we are matter
Where we matter most
Yet knowing we are one
Like her songs and her soul
Let the blue skinned idol blink
For Meera, let her have her peace
Yet let , if this distance can put me in chaos
Let it, for it reminds me of us in it
Let all that we know dissolve
When it is put to a measure
Let there be no spin up or down
And if there is
Let it be yours versus mine.

An ode to Meera

Where does your love die?
After she gives into you
When you make love and want to move on
Yet you talk of love!
Where does love vanish?
When he takes you as his bride
And then all he does seems to just be ordinary
Yet you talk of love!
It is but a misnomer
The word you assume as love
You would not be able to comprehend
Yet you talk of love!
Is love in the offspring?
Is it in your food at the table?
Is it all you have seen as you were raised?
My idea seems to violate them then
Love is the ability to be you
Always and forever , as you
When you are not asked to choose
When you feel no need to either
Like the single string of her ektara
She was one with the one she saw

Awaken me
to the wake you are
And describe the word it is
Tell me what it would be
As you tell me you cannot
I am unable to express either
Is that what synchronous is
Like blank pages
either side of a book
Yet it rattles in the breeze
Like a galloping horse
Only gentler and prettier
Yet with curls
Dark ones, like I had
Beautiful, spell binding
You

Swirl into this vortex
Forget what you know
Gentle yet a chaos
Is that look
As if to not just set to trance
They seem to cast a spell
A spell that may make Medusa
Become a stone
Knowing those eyes
Is knowing death itself
Yet it is such a sight
To stare into
Over and again

There you are
Here I am
Yet, me bleeding
Yet to no end
Only to feel it, every drip
While you don't hear it drip
Into an ocean of a void
Never ever to let you know
How I wish for those chance meetings
And you are lost to your worldly ties
If this is love , in it's pain and glory
Let it be
For I know this as all I have
Let me die unknown

End

What would a fading star wish
Nothing less than its supernovae to remain
Endlessly, tho a few millennia is all it will
Yet a hope is all it has
What does a day seek
As the orange sun plummets
A few moments of visibility
Before the stars paint the sky
Such is what a heart seeks
When it is lost , lost to the wayward roads
Only to see a smile , a pinch or remembrance
A chance meeting and conversation.

Should you even know
What a fake exchange or fight means
You may know the fear within
Of it being so real at some point
Making one afraid, like a child staring at a severed head
Yet you may never know
For I may have never let you
And as such it is my fault
And so let me punish myself
In waking nights and haunting dawn
In eerie dusk and burning noons
Let me remember my choice
Of nothing else than fear and pain
That you love to cause
Then you try to heal it with the balm of love
What monster has I created
And what mouse have I become
Only to be broken over an on
While you rest thinking it is joyous.
In a parting
Where a loss is grief ; worse, like dying
And in a being where I am wilfully submissive to pain
Maybe you will feel what I do
Someday, maybe, maybe not
I was never hopeful of being unhurt.

What good is a calm mind
When the shackles separate us
And you stare into my eyes in a common longing
Yet I stand powerless
That night, was a rendition
In imagery,
that even words cannot express
And it still haunts my heart

Your demons exist
As a shrill reminder
That your escape from reality
Is just a pretence
Of man and God
Neither shall be forgiven
If one has wronged, bid your time
For time sees no bias
It shall arrive on swift hooves
Slashing and screaming
His white horse bathed in blood
Then if you seek mercy
You shall have none
For the end of all would have arrived
And that day, even the floating bed on Ananta
Shall seem to not pacify him
He rests, never asleep, you restlessly grow weary
Only a matter of time
As it turns, his war cry conch
Shall deafen the strongest of hearts.

A bed of arrows

You hold the will to death
Yet you never learnt the truth of the will
In such cosmic chaos of mine
You chose to bear the burden
Putting your word first
Following and seeing it blindly through
How many has thee slain sans mercy
Yet as the dust and blood became clay
You stomped forth on it alongside evil
Only for your desire to seem righteous
Yet you see me as the 'All'
Bow to me at my glance

Seeking to be forgiven, you beg
A warrior without equal, yet a beggar at my feet
You who I could decimate in a thought
Stand before my prodigy
He who is an instrument of mine
You choose to not end by it
Here I shall say to you , son of the raging river
The one beyond possible conquest of mere men
You shall obey, for you suffering of bearing ends today
And this battlefield is thirsty for your blood
Go in peace, let the blood of you flow
Like your mother washes away the sins of others
Let yours wash away yours
Sleep Bheeshma, your time has arrived.

Are you not afraid of me child?
Does not all this blood scare you?
That this is your father on my lap dying in pain
And that I am the one who is as you see devouring him!
Asked the divinity, 
A face of a lion under the roof of snake heads

Afraid? How can I be when I have not known its meaning?
Not known fear in any form since I have seen you
Always, till now when I looked into my heart
Now I am seeing you with open eyes
What is pain now, what is death, what is life?
I am in surrender
Says the child, transfixed at the face of the presence

What is the ‘I’ in me now lord?
The self is no longer what was
‘I’ and ‘me’ are no longer words with meaning 
I feel like a drop of water in the ocean of you
But the ocean scares me, it seems so unstill, ravaging, storming.
How shall I let go and merge into it?
How will I find the ‘me’ when I mix in you?
I asked.

Fear not child, when you fall into me, you are me
And once me you shall not need to find the ‘you’
And then you shall know that you have finished your search
And that your fears are what led you to me
The ocean is calm and gentle; close your eyes that you see with
Open the eyes of feeling; open the eyes in the soul
And you shall see, but only if you surrender to me
I hear the wind speak

I close my eyes; I see the ocean now calm
I hear its waves gentle to the touch, like a feet stepping on lotus
I ask if I can open my eyes now, I hear a ‘yes’
I find myself in the lotus he holds in one hand
Sleeping like an infant, and him watching me, like a mother.

Wait

When you fell into his arms
Did you forget mine
And as you kissed his lips
Did you remember mine
Was our kiss just a faux pas
For to me it felt unlike
The arms that held you were to comfort
To hold you to my soul
Not this flesh
Your lips on mine were heaven on earth
And yet you made me feel otherwise
Amongst all that I felt and embraced
Neither held my soul and satiated it
Yet now it feels swindled
A broken harp
That sings no tune
When you forgot me, did you wish
To forget what I had
When you touched his face, did it warm your heart
For your arrival warms mine
your touch ignites my soul
And your embrace lets me breathe
Your choices bleeds me
In all this blood lust
I await for nothing more
But to let you know
That you are you
Yet , I will wait
For the day when you feel my soul search
To find your true one
To merge into mine
An eternity, should it need

Of love and storm
Just the same as they seem
Yet as the storm passes
Love remains
Broken houses, uprooted trees
Are always replaced and the pain would pass
Unlike love, it never passes
It circles you
With you at its eye
And the world in a spin
As furious as Mars himself would lust
For such chaos is seldom felt

Of love

A child's heart
A lover has, only shattered
Worse than a toy being stripped away
For a child can find solace
A lover doesn't
A child can be pacified
A lover cannot
Not by God, not by things
For the storms of a lover's mind
Is the flux of all that is God and men
Love and loss, faith and debacle
Such a plight awaits those in love
Torn between need and want
Desire and content
Neither ever remains
For the labor of love
Is often lost
Neither kin, nor King, nor kingdom can save
What is deemed lost
Yet men love
For love brings us the chaos
In absolution
Unending
Scarred, yet beautiful

If you wander over
To my home amongst the woods
Touch the daisies as you pass
They want to know who you are
And the old tree trunk
That hangs my hammock
Helping me stare at the stars
Would be happy to be greeted by you
The candle stand would love to know you
And so would the floor, where i often slept bareback
Before I slept finally
Walk bare feet once , and let it feel your presence
And if you arrive before the night
Wave to the sunset
And if you could spare time
Lay down on my hammock
Wait for those little gentle stars
They always wondered who you are
For I may not be around to introduce them to you
But your arrival will need none
I am sure

Emptiness casts the darkest shadows

Beyond the cure of any light

And such can only be known

If you have reached its epitome

When one reaches there

One cannot be brought back

Time won't fill the void

Nor will a substitute

All that remains is the vacuum

It tugs 

Eating up the will to breathe

Aberration

Rid of all sanity
In a volatile cocktail of leaching pain
Like rains washing away the soil
From the roots of the mightiest tree
Only for it to topple over into a river of despair
Driftwood
And no badge, nor destination
Unclaimed and forgotten
Sometimes the bank scrapes it
Sometimes the rocks in the shallows
Yet none to claim it
Such is what one feels at loss
Your insides fall into a void
And all that you feel is numbness 
Swirling into a carcass
Forever dying yet never dead

Yard Sale

Everything must go
For it is out of touch
Nothing here seems to be mine
And the bits that seem , are not
The swollen pride
The rash mind
The device that was me
The sight that held me
The warm glow of love
The cold bite of lone
The wish to be alive
The desire to die
The gentle kiss of your eyelashes on my cheek
The frenzy of your lips on mine
The time of meet
The parting
The past , as we knew it
The present as it presents itself
The future rain drops
The waft of mountain fog
The acrid smell of pain
The little joy that remains
All of it must go
Only , to win you over once more
For it seems like an eon has passed
Though just two days
Here I am, wanting to wilfully breathe again

Poetic justice

Penchant
Of you
In a curdled wail of the soul
Like a symphony of a thousand trumpets
Severing my tendons
With a rusty blade
With gentle hands
As it tugs me closer to a kiss
A kiss of ruse
To hide your concealed knife
And as you lovingly push it deeper
Your words
Sweet as hemlock
Yet I stare
Knowing imminent end
But as an infant
Reach to your fingers
As you hold me close
Hearing my bleed
I touch the blade
It is as beautiful as you
Now warmed by my life essence
Momentarily
Moments pass
And I do too
In a paradoxical paranoia
Of wanting death as you hold me
Yet slain by the very
Poetic justice

Random musings

Broken ,
Won't you set my heart adrift
Aloft, on the dark pools of despair
Won't you send gargoyles to slash and kill
Splatter and gash the red flaming heart
As they skim it of the pool and perch
Won't the pain grow stronger still
And won't you want me to shiver with chill
Spine to marrow, Femur to tarsal, Eye to toenails
Won't you puncture me with tiny pins
And watch my soul ebb from those ruby pools
And as the choke grows
You will cease
For the day has passed
Tomorrow , another bout awaits
You and me
Us, two tugging the same rope
In love and in darkness

Wake,
Manifest as the all there is
Yet be humbled
feel the wind on your face
Let it sing it's heart out
And awe at the sun lit mornings
Dream into the gentle night sky
Those stars are yours
They never could be mine
For I made them for you
When you weary frame
Settles under a shade
Touch that tree
speak to it of your love for it
Hear the dry leaves rustle
Glance upon the stream meander
Reach the mountain tops
Stretch your arms
Touch my face
Breathe in me
And stay mine

You

Check your six
When you walk your path
For on your heels, I shall haunt
And as you stop to gleam
Per chance upon a gentle moment
I shall only place upon you my gift of hurt
Yet only for to know
If you are indeed worth your salt
And then I will punish you worse
Till you keep up the fight
I am not your enemy
I am you, your own
I am the sentience in you
The one that lets you never be happy
For you are my clay
And I am your klin
You will be transformed by me
Yet you will always want to fall and break

Lore

Why should one hold back
Feelings of any kind , that courses through the veins
It is to be sane
And be human, for a lesser one is impulsive
If love is unleashed, without control
It shall only burn
Both parties, into a dust and dysfunction
Only to choke
If pain is unleashed
It shall only claw at the soul
And drive one to death
In its unbreakable grip
If jealousy surfaces
It can only be a fall from grace
In the eyes of the self and the other self
Ending in a pool of hurt
So beyond all possible
I choose to refrain
For I know my letting go
Brings only loneliness

Corrode

If the edge of the earth were
To be an end for those
That hold me dear
Why do I push those over it?
Is this the Meera I am
Or is this the defiant arrogance personified as Drona
Is my heart, a Karna, in the swirl of the obsession of perfection
Yet tied to chains of my own truths
Or is it just the obsession
To warm in the glow of the pain
Of all I hold dear
Or , have I transcended to a realm of pure
Of pure evil
Beyond saving
Or is it again me not letting go
Of all I know is wrong
Yet it's allure casts a grip;
I seem to flow with
This was not the me, this is not, this cannot be
Yet between the want of being kind, i wander
In a realm, a fabric torn that shielded my heart from such  destruction
Or do I love my fall from grace
Yet why do I pull my self to do what is right
Yet knowing, this is all a false proposition
Am I dead already, yet I seem to convince me otherwise.

Fade

I have been there where you have
And we both have nothing but misery
When the bundle o fur and joys faded
We had no one to fill the void
She was but human
More human than canine
Yet she made us 'grown men' cry
Even when we have faced what we deemed worse
In this hour of your sadness
Remember , i share the moment with you brother
She was our's , more than that you wer her's
And such love can never be felt again.

Strong memories

Those leaves that rustle, and all they do is sing melodies
Often forgotten ones, like those of  childhood songs, sung when my heart had no qualms
Where summer brought not just sunlit evenings but mangoes on trees
And rains were the season of roasted corn on charcoal
As little , the little we could, we met , in class, after class
And that year is still as fresh in my mind, like the taste of a fresh brew of barley and hops
The sight, of you were not a wonder till you were around
But began to seem so, when I moved a 100 miles away
Yet you never knew, for I never knew either, You and me were both juveniles
The only thought besides the fog and morning haze I recollect to date , you
Now no longer a possibility of seeing, if yes minus the haze and fog
The light drizzle of those mountain rain, the gentle cold and calm
Yet in my mind, I see it all
Annealed as one
A sight I never want gone
Of closed eyes, yet most times I try to see it as childish
Are we not all still the very child, we were?
And then the age passes brings forth my current, currents of the flow of this very reality
That tug, and I in this duality
Exist, yet never forgot, not that I will, but if old age does catch up
And Alzheimer's steadily takes it toll
I wish it leaves your memory untouched
For it reminds me, of being in touch
A hint of my inner child
And as such, the peace of knowing.

Thoughts into poetry

Does time dilate when you are far away or does your clock just stop being away from me
For to me you are away longer than your perception of time
Do you stare at the sky asking for directions like me
Or like me, look away in fear, of being alone , without you in the grandeur of the starry night
Yet these may be just a measure of materialism
Are you and me  strangers to such thoughts, when they are so profound
When dawn, i wish for dusk
Do you wish for dawn when I wish for dusk
Like being tidally locked
Hoping to draw near to a time for our meet , knowing it is longer than either of us accept
Such is still true, and i still wander, curled up in my bed
Knowing you mirror me doing the same as you sleep
Does the universe conspire against you, do you think if it is still
Like I doubt, it does against my vehement wishes of wanting to catch your glimpse
Maybe we both do
Maybe there is no you
Maybe it is me, just you, in a parallel universe, a mirror of my soul

Konark

Where were you all this while
When my insignificance mattered to me
As I lived by watching myself
Grand, above the divinity

And as Meera, I stood before you
Crying like a child
Unable to understand, your grandeur
In tears

As I tried to capture your existence
My soul leaped away
Asked me if I could
And I felt humbled

For such is your existence
As I saw you, I felt you see me
My sight has no guts to stare
Yours peered into my heart

I walked to you
Sans the pseudo brilliance and tact
Abolishing my fears and will
Surrendered, such is your presence

Walk

Stare at the sunlight
For the shadow will always follow
Look at the path to walk
The 'walked on' will be left behind
Seek the fruit
The toil of the gardening shall fade
Rise,
The starkness of the failure shall set
As the bright orange turns to black
The black shall fade to orange
When you walked and fell
You picked up yourself to walk again
We are always the infant
For the earth is our mother
Always here
Holding your hand
Breathe
Feel her gentle hands warm your cold

Some Assembly Required

And if i had an unbroken heart
You would have broken it
It is now a jigsaw
So you nor time can break it
Call that my defence
Call it my fear
For I never have let it mend
Instead , made into a puzzle
For all that I am drawn to
Only manage to break it is what I knew
Here again
Scattered , this time again
Only as a puzzle
Though the edges are not sharp
Makes picking it up
Putting it together easy
You walk on, away
I am good at arranging this unmarked puzzle
Of my heart

Come with me
you need to see
The carefree breeze
Over the great blue sea
The sea churns at its mere wisp
Like your heart did in love's grip
Where is the red in your blood gone
And has the winter chilled your soul
Yet such is a momentary passing
For you will write over and again
Of these valleys and valets
Wallets and volleys
Winds, and wind chimes
Seas and good times
And then you will warm up
So come, start,
Let disconnectedness be your Muse.

What if I could choose
Where shall I rest my face
When I breathe my final one
Let it be in your hair
For they are the very essence
Of all I have dreamt of
And so shall be a fitting journey's end
They are my rain clouds
They are the shade of my noon sun
They are the scarf of my winters
They are, for they are yours
As I am
And as I will be
Until you choose to forget me

In a crossfire of death wish and wanderlust

If to die, where
If to roam, where
For I want to sleep
Underneath the stars
On a hill , breathe my last
But so do I want to , on a beach
And on the bank of a gentle stream
And the walkway of a forest, amongst tall trees
But you die once, and such is the tragedy
Living was good
Yet all it gives my mind is annoyance
Of being made to be , what I am not
Or being made to do what I won't
But is that not dying everyday?
Yet in a not so serene setting
Why not choose to die
Why not die , in bliss
But, so many places to want
Yet only one , i can die in

Yesterday was

As you sit and ponder
Do those moments mean anything
They did not , they won't
The time has passed
Yet you seek to rake the past
Does it make you happy
Does it make you sad
It doesn't
It is just a fading memory
It is the ash of the wood
That kept you warm and is of no concern
Such is the past
If you choose to revel in it
You are trying to burn ash to keep warm
Hasn't
Won't

Away and beyond

When I let you be the center of my world
You wanted more than I could bring
Now when I gave up my world
You want to walk my trail

I am amidst the stars now
A comet in my own right
You are just a planet around Sol
Yours is a few million miles
Mine light years

On my journeys if we cross paths
I shall shine on you
But briefly, and fade into the darkness
For we drifted apart a long time ago

So spin about in your periphery
I got worlds to pass by
And some day, I shall dive
Deep into the sun, yours maybe
Until then, remember the parting
Or don't