Holding on to tonight

I have often prayed, for my love

For it to never make you weaker or morose

For it to never bring you into shades of anger

For it to not cause you discomfort or dissonance

But I have never prayed to make you dependent

I have often caved, in your absence of you my love

For it makes me resentful of my helplessness

For it makes me reprise my past mistakes of self harm

For it makes me wish for a sudden release from life

But I have never cursed your absence due your association

I have often wished, for an undoing of our first meeting

For it has brought you nothing from me except  love

For it has brought you only constant interruptions

For it has brought you nothing but my failure as a lover

But I have never felt you to be my failure nor mistake

I now sit sleepless, for my eyes fear the closure of today

For I saw you for the last time this evening and you left

For I heard you for the last time today as you spoke to me

For I read your messages for the last time today 

But I shall never let my heart heal, for you have it with you

Be 

Be better

Be benevolent

Be  beloved

Be

If not mine, yet

Be