Lets paint a sunflower on a canvas

Let us not know, I and you will ensure we ignore

 sometimes we have to express restraint 

Sometimes of thought, actions, intent, desire, longing

These are merely mortal qualities, I have exceeded, yet my mortality is in my face, clanging cymbals, loud

It has no filter, of any 

I am restrained by right, of what is right, your right, and my need to be right

I could ask, why can I not, defy logic, reason, be selfishly wanton, brazen

Is that what longing makes me feel, It should, but it cannot be allowed to 

I want to feel every ounce of such intrepid thoughts crumble, I want to exert control, the very control you break

Yet it is needed here, today of all days, or another of some days

It should be available at a moment's notice, yet be lost at your laughter, like it has been

I will wilt for the cycles my mind runs, these thoughts of wanting to run into the chaos that is all of you

But I hold myself, make the thoughts of wanting to hear you into nails, I will drive them into my feet

 make me stop in my tracks, drink that pain of this enforcement, as a thirsty sandstone, dug up from the layers of buried civilizations 

Then dry myself in the scorching of longing , until you reach back, having completed your calling

I will wait

 Though truth be told,

   I was never one to wait, just like time and tide, I have washed and lashed over everything that stood before

This wait is beautiful, the pain itself paints gentle hues of golden, into a  sunflower

On a canvas of my existential fights, between being who everyone knows me as

 and who that very guy imprisons, the child who would see his dreams expressed into actuality, as you

I shall for such, express restraint

Not because you need to see it, because I need to be restraint itself