Sleep preamble

At some point, I should stop a few things I seem to be doing with an utter lack of control  

Like frying chicken nuggets and eating them at four in the morning,  

Like not sleeping, because I am thinking.  

Five times out of ten, I am thinking of you.  

The other four times, I am thinking of food.  

Oh god, is this depression triggering my host of "insert possible mental condition"?  

I think randomly.  

Promptly forget it too

Ten times out of ten.  

Not like I think of a Storm Shadow,  

Hitting a random terrorist locale.  

It is not for me to think of,  

But knowing how it works was

I liked explaining it to you.  

But

I was a trainer once, so that could be a reason.  

Now, there are no reasons,  

To learn nor teach,  

And then I walk no more,  

I have nowhere to reach.  

Did I run out of condensed milk in my pantry?  

I hope not, I need it to make coffee

Doesn't matter.  

No way it does,  

I have a pack of spray-dried milk powder in the storage drawer.  

Sorted, it is, it is.  

Then maybe it is the cuddles?  

Not so.  

You can't be that vital,  

To encroach, own, overwrite my general default existence

But one of us is the machine, I guess.  

But we will know.  

For now,  

I will sleep, since this ramble is done.  

That, yes, that is what

My wish to write, always rising from longing.  

A willful optional extra,  

Auxiliary, but

Helps make it eventful,  

This life.